Melissa Luck

I paid for that view...

2009-11-19T16:06:00.015-05:00

Yes, this has been the view looking out of my bedroom window for the last three days. My skateboarder neighbors must have their professional skateboarder friends in town, because they decided to park their posh Fleetwood Revolution LE in the driveway and stay for a spell. Funny thing is that I've read the HOA rules (because of the same skateboarders), and know they can't have anything like this parked in the neighborhood, pretty much ever. But, those lil' rascals don't have to follow the rules. Here is a better angle to show you just how close this thing is to my window.
The garage you see below my bedroom is that of the skateboarders. The next garage over is the old lazy lady's storage facility. Mine is on the far left of the building, out of view in this photo. That balcony you see is mine. Sigh...

The Garage: Friend or Foe?

2009-11-13T12:20:00.035-05:00

After living in my condo for a few months now, I can say with confidence that the purpose of a garage, and in particular, a garage door spans much greater than what I once thought. If you have clicked on the link provided regarding garage doors and have read through just the first paragraph, the phrase "to allow passage of automobiles and/or trucks" really stands out for me, and I'd like to focus on that point for most of this blog. Before living here, I thought people used a garage door simply as a way to open the garage and to "allow passage of automobiles and/or trucks" into the garage, thus securely enclosing the car/truck away from the elements and potential burglary threats. I generally thought the other common use for a garage was for the storage of other personal property in addition to a car. Garage = Friend.

However, living on the corner of WTF and Crazy has opened my eyes to another world of possibilities related to the garage and garage door. For example, did you know that you can fully replace the use of your front door by using only your garage door to enter and exit your home, regardless of whether you park your car/truck inside your garage? It doesn't matter if you are exiting your home for 20 seconds just to grab something out of your car parked in the driveway for the 5th time in one evening, opening and shutting it for no apparent reason (maybe you just need to test it to make sure it still works), or running a quick errand for which you need to drive your car parked in the driveway (not the garage because your garage is filled with boxes, paintings, extra doors, or a skateboard ramp). In my mind, if my car was not parked in my garage, because my garage was too full of shit to fit a car inside, I'd refrain from opening and closing the garage door 100 times a day, and use the front door instead for a couple of reasons. One, why go through the garage when I can get to my car just as easily (or even easier) by going through the front door. Two, my shit which fills the entire garage up to the door inside the garage would have to be exposed to the rain, snow, wind, cold, leaves and other elements several times a day by opening and closing the garage door. Three, every time I walk through that garage to leave my place, I'd be reminded of all the shit I can't fit into my house and as a result, have to park my car outside uncovered as opposed to inside the nice warm enclosed garage - this would frustrate me.

Sadly, I do not live above like-minded people. Instead, they do open and shut the garage door several times each morning and evening, more than I've ever experienced anyone else do it before - and it's freaking loud. It's really bizarre - and if you think I'm just being crazy anal retentive Melissa, think again. It even bugs Wade, who is as laid back as it gets. Part of me thinks the people w/ the skate park below me do it on purpose, because they've actually been inside my place and understand the layout and impact it has on me (my condos sits on top of three garages, including my own). They are pissed b/c I talked to the HOA about the ramp, and therefore have decided to use that door as much as humanly possible, even though they only use the garage to house the ramp, not car. The older single woman - well, I think she's just too lazy to use her front door, and instead has made a very nice path from her garage door through all of her boxes and stuff hanging on the walls and from the ceiling in her garage leading to her car outside. Why use the front door when you have a door 10 times its size and 58 million times louder, which occasionally malfunctions causing you to have to attempt to close it again and again until it finally works? Guess what - your front door works 100% of the time. Garage = Foe.

Staycation

2009-11-04T21:51:00.000-05:00

I'm midway through my week-long staycation. What is a staycation? Well, it's like a vacation, only you don't go anywhere. Why would you want to take a staycation? Well, if you are low on cash, but need a break from work (because if you don't you are certain you will pull a Milton), it's an affordable way to do so, and no buildings get burned to the ground. I have not taken a real vacation ever - if I ever take time off work it's to go visit family for a holiday. I don't count that as a vacation. A vacation to me is when you take a trip somewhere fun or exotic and really, truly GET AWAY. Maybe someday...

So far during my staycation, I have slept in until 7:30 every morning, almost completely organized my second bedroom (which is currently just full of random crap from the move), had lunch w/ the Cyborg, and taken (fruitless) trips to Ikea, Pottery Barn and other home decor stores. All in all, an easy breezy week. It's so freeing not to have to go to work to endure the same madness as the week before and the week to come, even if it is only 5 little days. 5...precious...days. I need to do this more often.

Other thoughts:
-I can't STAND it when people say "I don't go past 21st" - if only you knew how incredibly douchey it sounds when you utter those words, especially to someone who lives past 21st.
-I heard an intriguing song on the radio this week - something about how we should live like we are dying, and it got me thinking...maybe I should just say it first and see what happens.
-I'm glad Favre is a Viking now. It gives the Vikes more air time, which allows my mom to watch more Vikings games. This makes me happy.
-I am seeing more and more of those blankity-blank family stickers on the back of cars, SUVs, vans, jeeps, and any other vehicle you can imagine. It's really hindering my daily commute to be forced to view these things all the time.
-I am really digging pears and bananas right now.
-I'm wondering who will get married next - right now in my world it's between Marcus and Airz...and maybe Andrew, too.
-How long should I hang on to my grad school stuff? Like I'm talking articles from Theory I and II...do I really need to know this stuff in the real world? So far, not really.
-Looking at my old stuff from Purdue made me sad. I wish things could have worked out differently, b/c I really did love that job and I miss working with that student population so much.
-My expectations are too high when it comes to my current job (and maybe work in general).
-Ralphie is laying at the foot of the bed as I type this blog, and his little back paw is sticking out from underneath the blankets. It's so freaking cute.
-Watching LOST again has been quite an experience - even though I know what's going to happen (without REALLY knowing what's happening), it still gets me every time. That's the power of the island.
-I miss my girlfriends.

Well, it's way past my bedtime. I need to rest up for another day filled with doing nothing and getting paid to do it. :)

I live on the corner of WTF and Crazy

2009-09-29T17:00:00.000-04:00

Blogging inspiration struck last night around 8:00 PM when I casually looked outside my window, only to see that a car I didn't recognize parked in my driveway. Let me explain that with my new condo, I have my own one-car garage. What's nice is that in addition, my driveway is really long - it can fit two parked cars easily behind my car parked in the garage, which is a nice bonus compared to many of the other units on my street. Let me also say that I'm already frustrated with my condo for various reasons (many of which have to do with the half pipe being used directly below my bedroom).

So, I look out, and see this silver Camry with leather interior parked in my driveway, not 6 steps between the car and my garage. Like if I had wanted to drive my car out of my garage, I wouldn't have been able to b/c this jack ass was completely blocking it. WTF. I'm sorry, but who blatantly parks in someone else's driveway like that? No one that I know, until I moved onto this street. It's like the people living here have no concept of how to live respectfully next to others. I can understand if you have to use my driveway to move something in, for like 15 minutes, or something. But even then, you ask before you do it. You don't just pull up and plop on down for hours on end.

I was on the phone with my mom at the time I saw the car. After I nixed the tow truck idea (a little harsh for my 2nd week on the block...but I'm close to not giving a crap anymore), I decided on just opening my garage door, putting a nice note on the car, and turning in for the evening. In my nice little note written on a purple sticky note, I just let them know that they had parked on my driveway and I needed to get out to run an errand, but couldn't because they were parked there - and in the future, I asked them to please refrain from using my driveway. When I went to bed around 10, the car was still there. Thankfully, in the morning it was gone. I'm sure my note really taught them a lesson and they'll never do it again...right.

Next time, I swear on all that is holy and good, I'm having the car towed. So do not park in my driveway unless you have permission, beyotches, or I'm towing your ass. And I will forever be known as the bitter old woman on the corner of WTF and Crazy.

My Blogging Hiatus

2009-09-28T17:09:00.002-04:00

I have gotten a lot of crap from people for not updating my blog, and more importantly, for not finishing my blog about the Behrens/Berte wedding. For this I am truly sorry. Typically I blog at work but the past two months have been particularly hellish here, so I haven't had much opportunity to write (or do anything else but actually work - LAME). Because I have been so busy at work, I have not been able to fully clear my head and channel any sort of inspiration or motivation to blog, even when I'm away from my desk. A lot has happened in the past few months away from work that are very blog-worthy:

-The completion of the Behrens/Berte wedding review (top of my to-do list, I swear)
-Visit to Lawrence, KS for Twain Reunion '09
-Purchase of condo
-Rediscovering my general disdain for most people
-Discovery of Skate Park America below my bedroom in said condo; thus confirming that Melissa Luck is still in existence and going strong
-The meeting of Wade's parents (lovely people)
-Grappling with a future career change
-Misc. shenanigans I can't exactly pinpoint right now

I hope to be blogging again in full force soon. As you can see, there is much to re-hash on the ol' blogster.

The Behrens/Berte Wedding Review: Part I

2009-07-02T09:00:00.002-04:00

I know, I know. It's been awhile since I've blogged. I have been meaning to blog about the glorious trip to Iowa since I returned, but haven't had the time or inspiration to do so...until now. Those of you who know me and my blogging style recognize that I need to feel the creative juices flowin' to write a quality entry, so hopefully you can appreciate I have been waiting patiently to get struck by inspirational lightning before proceeding. I am also excited to report that the review will contain an account of the last hours of Leah's wedding night by Autumn 'Airz', as I was quite under the influence at that point so cannot adequately provide a description of the late-night shenanigans for you on my own. But we'll get to that soon enough. Lest this posting should become too long, I'll be breaking it up into sections and will post a couple over the next few days (at least that's the current plan).

Day One
Naturally, I was lucky enough to sit next to the restroom on a minuscule 50-seater airplane on a direct flight to Kansas City. This was already cause for concern, but then sure enough, as soon as we began boarding, an elderly woman got up and proceeded to christen it with her best work. Really, she couldn't use the bathroom minutes before when she was still in the airport? Once we landed, it was surprisingly wonderful to walk off the plane in Kansas City and be overcome by the stifling Midwest humidity and heat, but 1,000 times more wonderful to see Airz casually leaning against the wall waiting for my arrival. Jazzies were flying and we finally embraced and quickly began our road trip to the great state of Iowa.

During our trip to DSM I assisted Airz in gaining a greater appreciation for the song Party Like a Rockstar, which she openly mocked in the beginning (I felt a hint of Char-Var coming out here) but by the 4th or 5th playback, I think she was into it. I also introduced her to such classics as She Get It From Her Mama and Adam Lambert's take on Ring of Fire. She attempted to soften my opinion of Flight of the Conchords (don't tell her it didn't stick - I still just don't get the obsession). All in all, a productive and lovely drive.

We pulled into (Sk)Ankeny (our old safe haven away from Ames) and were immediately greeted by the radiant bride-to-be and Bridgit, one of the other lovely bridesmaids. Within the first 20 minutes of our arrival, we had discussed bowel movements, boobs, Gonzos and many other hot topics. All in all, a typical conversation for the Twain ladies + Bridgit. Soon enough it was time to head out for the bachelorette party festivities, which began with dinner at the Urban Grill.

I won't go into the dirty details about the horrific service we received at Urban Grill (mainly because I don't want a certain person -Wade- to judge me for it), but the atmosphere, company and food were awesome. After dinner, we headed to Leah's sister-in-law Emily's house for a pleasure party. This was the first pleasure party I had ever attended and my sexpectations were met, if not exceeded. In addition to many other treats, Emily had taken time to bake and frost amazingly realistic (and quite tasty) penis cookies for each of us. Of course, Emily made special Gonzo-shaped penises for Airz and me, which was a very thoughtful touch. The pleasure party presentation ranged from low-key items like tasty lotions and powders to the mid-raunch level paraphernalia like the Silver Bullet or other typical pleasure party fare. Then, there were a few gems that were definitely not for the faint of heart, like ginormous vibrators that had like 28 different functions and things moving in and on them at the same time, topped off with a smiling beaver face or turtle head. I, of course, wanted one of everything but restrained and purchased only a few things, all of which I will not be talking about here.

Once we had made our purchases, applied our knuckle tattoos and eaten the last of the penis cookies, the bride and three of four bridesmaids made our way to Ma and Pa Behrens' home in THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, IOWA. Seriously, I had no idea where we were in Iowa during about 90% of this trip, and I had lived there for two years. Don't get me wrong, it was lovely to see the rolling hills and green EVERYTHING that is Iowa, but hell if I could tell you where I was or how I got there most of the time. Our stay at the Behrens' home was brief but very nice. There was the motion sensor light outside our window that went on and off about every 30 seconds all night long...and that's about all I remember. I'm kidding - the Behrens' were lovely hosts and we had a great brunch the next morning and we were able to catch up and chillax before heading into town to have some Lady Time prior to the rehearsal dinner...

Coming Soon: Day Two - the quickest massage EVER, Maxx Moments and up-close and personal photo opps...

I'm a Huge (Content) Slacker

2009-06-16T15:56:00.000-04:00

It's been awhile since I've posted, and I'm getting a lot of crap from people about it. The thing is, I haven't had much to complain about recently so my angst level is low and potential topics are pretty sparse. Plus, I still don't have the Internets at my apartment, so I can't blog from home. In two days I'm heading back to Iowa to witness the nuptials of Leah Bare Ends (soon-to-be Berte) and Tim Berte. There I will be able to embrace two of my most favorite people in the whole world - Leah and Airz. I'm dating the most amazing guy EVER (he's pretty much the male version of me, so you know he's legit). I'm moving out of my crappy apartment soon. I proctored three exams in one week, banking over $500 extra (which will go toward paying Marcus for season tix and my next CC bill). I saw The Hangover and laughed...a lot. I recently made $16 from Pibs Exchange for old clothes I never wear. All in all, I'd say things are good right now - knock on wood.

I'll definitely post another update post-wedding. Iowa, here I come!

McDonald's Sweet Tea = Drink WIN!!

2009-06-03T14:45:00.001-04:00

This morning I was just driving along up to my boss' house, minding my own business, when I nearly came to a screeching halt after seeing out of the corner of my eye that the McDonald's up on 2000 East (and hopefully others around the valley) is FINALLY offering Sweet Tea in SLC. I will admit at that exact moment, I was actually wishing I owned an iPhone so I could have snapped a photo and tweeted this glorious discovery the moment it occured. Sigh...this beloved drink has been offered at the Mickey D's in the Midwest and in the South for some time now - it was my fave thing to pick up on the way to work in West Lafayette - sweet, refreshing, and extremely addicting (though not entirely confirmed, I believe crack/cocaine is listed as a key ingredient on the nutritional facts website). When I went to Orlando, FL back in Feb - yep, they offered it there, too, so naturally I stopped in to indulge once (or three times). And now, I'm excited to report that McDonald's is no longer denying this geographical area the pleasures of the Sweet Tea. I highly recommend this beverage from the Golden Arches - if you love sweet tea, theirs is sweetly satisfying, not BM-inducing like the McCafe about which I recently blogged.

Seeing the glorious advertisement for Sweet Tea got me to start thinking about what else has migrated West since I've moved back to SLC. I quickly realized that several of my favorite things from the Midwest have followed me including: Jimmy Johns, Chipotle, and now Mickey D's Sweet Tea. I'm still missing the following: Q'Doba, Flying Burrito, fireflies, the 4611 Twain ladies, and my soul, which I believe I dropped on one of several tattered roadways in Indiana, never to be found again...or is it? Could my Melissa Luck actually be changing *gasp* for the better? Only time will tell.

You Must Be in Las Vegas If...

2009-05-28T12:36:00.001-04:00

1. You willingly pay $20+ for 2 sandwiches (one foot long and one six inch) and 2 regular drinks at Subway.

2. While walking on the strip or through a casino, you continually run into people who stop directly in front of you for no apparent reason, completely disrupting the flow of traffic.

3. You are able to carry and drink your (strong) alcoholic beverages anywhere you want.

4. You wear your fanciest outfit and most over-the-top accessories, and in no way come close to looking overdressed or overdone because there will always be someone else in the room who far surpasses your feeble attempt to pull a Glambert.

5. You patiently wait to order a Subway sandwich longer than all of the times you've waited for a Subway sandwich in your entire life put together x100.

6. You share space with some of richest and poorest people you've ever seen.

7. You have access to free sex anytime, anywhere if you want it...or even if you don't.

8. On numerous occasions during your stay, you fear you could catch an STI just by breathing.

9. You can admire the single largest photo ever displayed of Donny and Marie Osmond right on the strip.

10. You feel increasingly overwhelmed by having too much to do.

11. You see more skin while walking the strip than hanging out by the pool.

12. The question "why would anyone bring a small child here" continually pops into your head after passing countless people toting their small children.

13. You continually question the general intelligence and personal hygienge habits of the human race.

14. Your love of people watching as a favorite pastime is renewed.

15. You can't wait to book your next trip - Viva Las Vegas!

My Idol Thoughts as They Occur

2009-05-20T07:54:00.001-04:00

I wrote this blog last night as I watched Idol. Warning: very scattered thoughts...

7:03: Yikes, Randy...way too many patterns going on there. OMFG - Paula dipped herself in orange tanning jelly. CARLY SMITHSON IS IN THE AUDIENCE!!

7:04: Three songs!! YES. Uh oh - Kara wrote a song? I'm scurrred.

7:09: Longest commercial segment EVER..OMG, I love Adam. And I love his version of Mad World....ooohh, love the entrance with the long black coat. He is SUCH a drama queen! MMMMMMMM.

7:13: A for Adam, Randy?...WTF.

7:14: ALLISON IS IN DA HOUUUUUSE! And we never got to hear Simon's actual critique of Mad World b/c he was busy making fun of Ryan SeaBreast. I am so over the judges squabbles taking precedent over judging the contestants.

7:15: Kris' parents are adorable. Love the coupon story!! YESSSS...piano. I want to have Kris' babies - still hasn't changed. Nice version of Ain't No Sunshine. I was smiling the whole time. Kara, you are a freak, but I actually agree w/ your comments this time.

7:25: Adam - Change Is Gonna Come: hot suit. Very sultry scowl, Adam. I'm digging it. I LOVE HIS TONGUE!!!!!!!!! Wow. That was awesome. A 'Wow Moment' as my mom put it.

7:32: Uh. My brother Andrew just walked in sporting a child predator mustache. Yikes.

7:35: MMMM...loving the gray shirt, Kris. SO HOT. WTF THE JUDGES ARE ON CRACK!!!! I think they are trying to piss his voters off so they'll vote a ton. It worked...I'm voting like crazy for him.

7:43: Adam had to put the extra guy liner on so you wouldn't listen to the cheesy-ass words Kara wrote. We just have to 'make it through the pain' of this song....JEBUS, that was bad. You can sing anything, Adam, even SHITTY SONGS LIKE THAT. Thanks, Randy, for bringing it home and allowing us to read between the lines.

7:53:....Kris is muy pitchy. Damn, this song blows. He looks like he's in pain singing this song, and we are all in pain having to listen to these lyrics again for the second time in a row. Way too high for him but I actually think the song sounded better with Kris' voice than Adam's. Shit. I'm voting for Kris only cuz he was sabotaged on this song. Then again, I don't really care who wins. I love them both.

8:00: Carrie Underwood is looking a little rough tonight but she is so good. And yet again, Idol runneth over.

McCafe? Try McCrappe...

2009-05-17T20:21:00.000-04:00

I recently discovered how to give yourself a cheap colonic in the comfort of your own home.

Step 1: Cut a hole in the...wait, that's something entirely different.

Step 1: Go to your nearest McDonald's and order an Iced Mocha McCafe drink - a medium will do the trick but if you really want to punish your bowels, by all means, go for a large.

Step 2: Consume at least 1/2 to 3/4 of said beverage over the course of the day. Please note that drinking the entire iced mocha could produce results not documented by this study and in that case, may God have mercy on your soul (and bathroom).

Step 3: Sit back, relax and just let the McCrappe pump* its way through your digestive tract. While you are waiting, you may want to take this opportunity to warn family and friends so they are able to evacuate the area. It is suggested that you remain in close proximity to bathroom facilities until the colonic takes effect.

*Estimated time before you experience results varies for each person. First-timers may have to wait nearly a full day before results come to fruition, but it's well worth the wait when you strut out that bathroom about 7-10 lbs lighter than you were mere moments prior. Regular coffee drinkers may experience quicker results.

Idolatry Love

2009-05-15T15:09:00.000-04:00

I know this is a tad old, but it's hilarious and I can't say it any better than this. I heart Michael Slezak. He always brings it home for me. Enjoy!!

There are no words that can fully describe the joy I feel now that Danny Gokey is out of the picture. THANK YOU, JEEBUS! KRIS/ADAM FINALE!!

Operation: Mind Blown was a huge success!

2009-05-14T10:08:00.000-04:00

First of all, I'd like to excuse myself right up front from making any logical sense in this blog posting I'm about to write, because my mind is still spinning from last night's 2 hour LOST finale extravaganza. Every time I try to form and articulate rational thoughts about said episode, I am rendered speechless, blackout for several seconds/minutes/hours at a time, and then am forced to start over again...

1. I believe there is a strong connection (perhaps true father/son ties) between Jacob and Ben. Yeah, yeah...I know we've all been under the impression that Ben's daddy Roger was a depressed drunkard who held a grudge against Ben since the moment he was born because Ben's mother died giving birth to him. HOWEVER, I sincerely believe that this guy is not Ben's real father at all. Instead, I think Ben's mom was impregnated by Jacob (how and why are questions yet to be answered) but lived under the guise (until she died) that Roger was Ben's daddy - which lead him to eventually bring Ben to the island where he was supposed to grow up. Sorta like how I think Richard Alpert is Daniel Faraday's biological daddy, not Charles Whidmore. Daddy issues have been recurring themes for pretty much all of the Losties and we know Ben is no different. I was also taken back to a very similar scene during which Locke was forced to kill his own father to prove himself worthy of eventually becoming the leader of the island (though Sawyer was actually the guy who killed him, not Locke). Did Ben have to kill his real father to become the true leader? If Jack succeeds in changing the past/future...whatever, Ben would never have killed Roger because the bomb would have killed him instead. You still with me? Yeah, me neither.

2. Rose, Bernard, and Vincent. YES!

3. I did not see the Locke-in-the-box coming...and I'm really sad that he is actually dead, though there was always something 'off' about this new and 'improved' Locke that I couldn't put my finger on until now - clearly this anti-Jacob used Locke's essence to find the loophole and use Ben to "kill" Jacob like he has wanted to do at least since the Black Rock came to the island so many years ago. Was Ben momentarily taken over by the anti-Jacob in that hotel room so he could strangle Locke, creating the loophole? Or did Ben do that of his own accord?

4. OAIHGO IAHSHGWEBXVBHLIAU!!

5. The Sawyer/Juliet goodbye whilst she is being pulled down into the hatch was heart wrenching. I have always had a place in my heart for Sawyer, but this season he continues to surprise and delight me since he has since put his daddy demons to rest. And I really liked those two together, and then Kate had to come back and throw a wrench in the wheel, AGAIN...but I digress. And like I've always said, that man can seriously rock a Dharma jumpsuit like no one's business.

6. The Sawyer/Jack fight was awesome - the tension between these two has been building since Season 1 and it was high-time they worked it out. Like Marcus, I was a little disappointed in Sawyer's fighting techniques, considering I always thought when/if this would happen, he'd kick the living s*** out of Jack...

7. As Wade pointed out, because Miles pulled Chang's hand out from under the rubble and told him to run, was he able to alter the past and save his dad's arm from having to be cut off to save his life? Or is this a moot point considering the H-bomb was eventually detonated by Juliet, therefore changing the past/future regardless? I don't know, but either way I loved it.

8. What is Jacob's connection to Ilana? Why was she wrapped in bandages and why did she agree to help him?

9. We finally know how Hurley found out about the Arija flight back to the island, as well as how he got Charlie's guitar. Also loved how Jacob points out his gift is a blessing, not a curse. Brilliant.

10. Why did Jacob choose these specific Losties to eventually come to the island, and how did he choose them so early in their lives? Why didn't he visit Hurley and Sayid early in life?

11. I simply must re-watch this episode at least a few more times to make sure I saw/heard/relished in all that was intended.

12. What was the 'choice' theme repeated by Jacob? You always have a choice...is he saying destiny doesn't exist and we continually change our fate by making choices? Or is choice an illusion and we were always supposed to do the things we do? Was Ben always supposed to kill Jacob? Did the Losties 'choose' to crash on the island?

13. Ben was hilarious in this ep. He was definitely on his A-game with the one-liners. Loved it.

14. I don't think Jacob is really dead. He obviously wanted Ben to kill him for some reason yet to be determined. Juliet could also still be alive - though we have never known her to be particularly special like Desmond was, which is most likely how he survived the Hatch explosion.

15. I will have many more questions and thoughts in the days to come. I'm currently eagerly awaiting Doc's recap, which has yet to be posted and it's after 10:00 AM. I also need to re-watch, as I said, to try and catch the additional layers. This show is like an onion, I tell you.

Namaste!

My Head Just Exploded

2009-04-30T11:45:00.000-04:00

Between LOST and Idol last night, it's a miracle I'm still alive because I'm pretty sure my heart stopped, my head exploded and I might have also j'd in my pants a little...all at the same time, which I realized only after I woke up from blacking out from sensory overload for short period of time. First of all - Adam in the bottom 3? Whuuuuut, America?! Sure, his last performance was a little over the top, but that's what great about Adam. He can actually pull it off. My guess is that too many people just assumed he'd be ok because he's so good, so didn't put in the votes he needed to keep up with the rest of the pack. This means I will most definitely be voting next week to help my boy go through to the finals. And THANK YOU JEBUS for allowing Matt to finally go home. Yes, he seems like a nice guy, but he's a nice guy with a mediocre singing voice. It was simply his time to go.

And now I turn to LOST. This show is just effin' amazing. There is no other way to describe it. I was so excited to see Faraday back in action, with all of his neuroticism and scientific mumbo jumbo talk (not to mention the man can seriously rock the facial hair, though how distracting was his bouffant-style do at graduation - yikes). Thanks to Marcus for letting me watch on a clear TV screen rather than my small tube with rabbit ears and a sub par picture quality. I read Doc Jensen this morning as soon as it was posted, which was of course mind blowing, and then immediately started reading other readers' comments. I had never thought that Daniel might be Jacob, UNTIL NOW! And what if Richard Alpert is Daniel's real dad...not CHARLES, which would explain the slap from Eloise when he suggested otherwise outside the hospital (and would also explain his dark eyes/hair). lsajgo hoahidg!! (excited typing) The impending finale in two weeks is bittersweet for me. I cannot wait to see the next two eps, including the season finale 'THE INCIDENT' (hsoaghio hwelxcbh!!), but am sad to have to wait another year to see the final season of the show...tear.

Namaste!

Idol, LOST, and Things That Must Go

2009-04-29T13:40:00.000-04:00

For me, dawg, last night's Idol was one of the best nights this season. For me. Dawg. Everyone performed well, as they should when it gets down to the last 5 contestants. But...someone must go, and that someone will be...MATT, despite his supposed excitement for this week's theme (Rat Pack Era). My prediction for bottom 3 include Matt, Kris and Allison strictly because Adam and Danny have been the long-standing favorites throughout the season. I think the judges' heads would literally explode if Adam or Danny ended up in the bottom 3. Plus, though I haven't been a recent Danny lover like the rest of the free world, I did think that he BROUGHT IT last night. I thought Kara actually did a good job (I know that sounds wrong but bear with me) summarizing my thoughts about Adam - his performances are consistently wrong and slutty and sensual and I love it, even though last night's song wasn't my all-time fave. Did love the close up shot of his tongue gyrating inside his mouth, though. Nice touch, Idol camera guy #4. It's all wrong, but it's all right.

LOST is Faraday-centric tonight, and I CANNOT WAIT BECAUSE I EFFIN' LOVE HIM. I also learned from Doc's column that this season's finale is entitled 'The Incident' - YESSSSSS!!!! Losties unite, because this is the moment we've all been wondering about since we first saw that Dharma vid re: the Hatch.

Things That Must Go

Unnecessarily loud cell phones ringing in the workplace: We work in an extremely confined space (cubicles) so why do you feel the need to have your phone turned up to level 9, not to mention set to the most annoying ring possible? It's a CELL PHONE, meaning it's PORTABLE. Why not turn down the volume and take it with you when you get up to move around as opposed to just relying on the ear-splitting volume so you can (not) hear it when you are at a distance, while the rest of us have to endure listening to it ring and ring and ring...and ring until it goes to voicemail.

Living in a co-op style 6-plex: at the mighty Jasper Rose, we don't have the luxury of a garbage dumpster that gets emptied by the trucks - instead we have to take 4 bins down to the curb every week so they get emptied. No big deal, unless only half of the tenants in your building are responsible and help out. We have recently acquired some less-than-desirable housemates who don't seem to give a S*** about taking the trash out. I came home Sunday evening, sometime after 9 PM, and still no one had taken the bins out to the curb. I had done it last week and the week before and the week before and...you the the idea, so naturally I was a little miffed it hadn't been done yet. I looked to see who was home, and since none of the responsible people were home, I was able to confirm my suspicion that there are only a select few of us actually doing it in the first place. And I'd like to add that it's not easy taking those bins out - you have to pull the ginormous heavy overflowing bins down the treacherously steep drive, over the crumbling jacked-up cement, through the steepest gutter I've ever seen, and hope that some jackass hasn't taken up the entire area with his/her huge SUV so you can actually fit the bins on the curb instead of having to set them into oncoming traffic, which must then veer to the left to avoid knocking them over. Any dwelling that has more than 2 sets of tenants needs to have a dumpster, because people suck.

Pricey Undergarments: I was recently reminded why I never buy new bras and underwear and instead wear my current collection until each individual piece is threadbare and disintegrates at the slightest touch. Bras and underwear are obscenely overpriced, especially if you want to buy stuff that's even remotely cute. Hey Victoria - the Secret's out - I'm telling everyone I know that you are severely overcharging for articles of clothing that cover a very small, or in some cases, minuscule, part of the body...and will then continue to buy them because I have to. So there.

Yikes...

2009-04-22T10:42:00.000-04:00

Lil - for the love of all that is good and holy, who the hell dressed that woman in a black spandex onesie? The disturbing images created as a result of watching her flail around on stage wearing painted-on attire were honestly horrifying. Bottom 3.

Kris - I loved his John Mayer-esque performance, and even though The Cyborg keeps pointing out that he's like 4'8" and could fit into my pocket, I'd still have 10,000 of his Polly Pocket babies.

Danny - Yawn. I'll admit his performance was more entertaining for me than in recent weeks, but he's still just does the same old thing every week - the growling/singing, the awkward Elaine-style dancing, and his failed attempts to engage the background singers. Oh, Danny. What are we going to do with you?

Allison - Loved it again. She has an amazing gift. Also was digging the sparkly outfit.

Adam - As Justin and I discussed in great detail last night, Adam can do no wrong at this point in the competition. He could literally walk out on stage, stand there for 2 minutes without singing one word, and the crowd would go crazy and the judges would tell him he's going straight to the finale. Better yet, he could walk out, take a S*** on stage with the crazy light show saved just for him each week going on in the background, and they'd say he is the most original artist they've ever seen and that he has just created a new genre of music - avant-garde rock or something. Not that I disagree with them - he's amazing and I love watching his performances. I heart him.

Matt - SGJ, why did they save you again? I'm not quite sure, other than the fact that they had to waste the save either last week or this week, so what the hell. He is the poor man's Justin Timberlake and as Simon astutely pointed out last week, there is no way he'll win. Thank you, judges, for allowing us to suffer through another week of his poor singing/dancing/riffing. Bottom 3.

Anoop - was I the only one who let out a scream (not in a good way) when he walked out on stage sporting a mustache? Everybody knows I am a huge sucker for men with facial hair, and normally I'd be salivating, but the dude looked CREEPY with the 5:00 shadow going on. Plus, WTF was up w/ the painted-on eyebrows? YIKES. But oh yes, this is a singing competition - he also had pitch problems and his last note was a bust. Bottom 3.

I think (pray/hope/wish) it will be Lil and Anoop heading home tonight, only because Matt's few supporters will rally to keep him 'stayin alive' due to last week's near elimination.

Work Pet Peeves

2009-04-21T15:01:00.000-04:00

I'd like to share a few work pet peeves that are really getting on my nerves lately.

1. Why must people copy the entire world on every single insignificant email message they send? There are, of course, cases where copying multiple people on an email is appropriate or necessary. However, there are some people out there who insist upon CC'ing the entire college of every email they send, regardless of its level of importance or relevance to others. It's annoying and it clutters my already-full inbox. Additionally, it clutters others' mailboxes, so instead of reading my emails, which probably actually pertain to their job, they get overwhelmed by the volume of mass emails and fail to read the ones that actually matter, which in the end just creates more work and headache for everyone.

2. Why is free food so damn appealing? Why does it somehow force others to act as though the only time they eat real honest-to-goodness food is when someone else pays and/or provides and therefore they are going to make the most of it and gorge themselves...just because it's free. Free food apparently also gives people permission to act like crazy animals who must acquire, then store away for later use, as much food as possible...just because it's free. (This excludes me hoarding the most amazing chocolate banana bread I've ever eaten on Monday - it was left over from an event I planned, which no one attended because no lunch was provided, and I'm now savouring it and sharing one piece per day with Wendy - again, this is different). If you send out a flyer advertising an event which will also include free food, the excited whisperings you hear about it at the beginning of the week grow to a dull roar as the event draws near with the sheer anticipation of free food. What's it going to be - I wonder if there will be gluten-free options - do you think they'll bring drinks - do I actually have to attend to get the free food? It's the first question people ask when you send out an invitation to an event, and attendance is certainly much lower for events which do not include free food (I should know because of the aforementioned event I planned with no lunch provided). All I'm saying is that if eating free food is the only thing that floats your boat, you've got issues far beyond the lack of an exciting diet.

3. Working in a cubicle is no longer cute or fun. I actually had a positive attitude going into it. But I realized quickly that I miss having a buffer (or you might also know this as a door) between me and most everyone else. I don't want to hear about your husband's gray chest hairs, or your phone conversation about your ex-husband's daughter's boyfriend's bastard child, or that screeching nails-on-a-chalkboard laugh for the 18 millionth time. I don't want to smell your Abercrombie & Fitch cologne, your burnt pine tree aftershave, or the mystery leftover food you are warming up in the microwave. I don't want my "walls" to shake every time you slam the bathroom stall door, I don't want you to knock on my filing cabinet to get my attention even though I'm already looking at you because I could hear you barreling around the corner yelling my name, and I sure as hell don't like to feel judged/watched by several sets of eyes every time I have to get up and walk across the entire building to pick up my print job. And yes, it's been awhile since I've been touched by another human being and yes, I long to be touched again, but the last people I want touching me are people from work, SO STOP DOING IT. No more literal pats on the back, butt, 'legg', shoulder, arm, head, or ANYWHERE ELSE. I'm not your pet - I'm your co-worker - and there is a difference, actually.

4. Generally, people just amaze and frighten me all at once.

Ok, I feel better now. I'm off to get some FREE ice cream at our Ice Cream Social. ;)

It's Been Awhile

2009-04-19T10:09:00.001-04:00

I have been majorly slacking with my blog lately. It's been crazy at work so no time to write there, and since I still don't have those Internets at my apartment, it's been impossible to write. I'm going to try and catch up now.

Idol: Thank goodness Scott left us - nice guy, but not Idol material. This week, my bottom 3 picks were Anoop, Matt, and Lil, with Lil going home. Even though I chose the wrong contestant to go home, I was ecstatic to learn that Matt had the least amount of votes, but to my dismay, the judges...SAVED HIM?! My reaction to the judges save - let me sum it up in 3 letters: WTF. I pray that both Matt and Lil will go home this week for the double elimination extravaganza. PS - Gokey is overrated. Moving on...

I recently re-joined Match.com in an attempt to get myself back out there on the dating scene after a very long hiatus. Why would I do this when my last serious relationship began from Match, and ended so very poorly? Well, despite the fact that I ended up landing a total crazy last time, I do think there is merit to the site, and I know others who have met their significant others online so it can't be all bad. So far, I've emailed a few seemingly nice guys but no dates yet, and that's perfectly fine with me. I'm in no rush. Oh, and I've already been called out once for not being physically attracted to the guy even though I never said that to him. Yikes...

Tuesday I was joined by several close friends (some were there to support, most were there to protest) as I consumed my last meat-centric meal - a Cafe Rio Pork Salad, naturally. If I'm going to do this, I had to go out with a bang, am I right? It was so good, especially since I hadn't had one in so long because of Lent. However, I'm excited to officially begin my new life as a vegetarian now that I have said my goodbyes to meat. I can't think of a better day to begin this new life than on Tax Day - now the only things certain in this life are death, taxes and now, vegetarianism. Speaking of, the 15th was also the 6 month anniversary of my dad's death. I cannot believe it has been 6 months already. Weird.

Awhile back I visited the glorious new Nordstrom at Fashion Place Mall. Of course, it's magnificent, and one of the coolest additions is this little salon area where they do waxing and facials and stuff. My brother asked them if they wax nostrils (they don't) and then I had a little waxing done, and the lady told me I need to grow my eyebrows in a little because they are too sparse and that when I'm done, I should come back so she can shape them up. Naturally, because this lady works at Nordstrom she must be right so I immediately took her advice to heart and started letting them grow, but it's like the hardest thing I've had to do in a long time. My eyebrows look totally crazy right now and it takes everything I've got inside me not to take some tweezers to them and do some major clean-up. I can't believe how long it is taking for some areas to fill in, whereas other areas look like a freaking jungle already. Ugh...the price we pay for a nice set of eyebrows.

Ok, I think I've brought MelissaLuck back to present day. TTFN!

Idol: What the Hell Happened Last Night?!

2009-04-08T10:05:00.002-04:00

Last night was by far one of the most painful Idol experiences this season, INCLUDING all auditions. Honestly, is it a full moon? The weirdest stuff has been happening all week, and not just with Idol, but I digress. Here is my quick recap:

Danny: Again, are the judges and I hearing the same thing? He was having major pitch problems in several spots, and he gives the same lackluster performance every week. I'm over it, Gokey!

Kris: I'm a major Kris fan, but his song choice wasn't great because it didn't allow him to do anything with the melody and the whole thing was just kind of awkward. Plus, the "singing in the middle of the wave-bots" thing has got to be banned for all contestants.

Lil: Yikes, again. I definitely wasn't feeling her Tina Turner wannabe copycat performance. Bottom 3.

Anoop: I have to say he was trying really hard to keep his arrogance in check last night, which I highly appreciated. However, he sounded horrible, and what was with the Mr. Rogers cardi? Bottom 3.

Scott: Everything was horrific, including the electric guitar. I am so ready for him to be gone. Bottom 3.

Allison: Love her raspy voice, but even her performance was only so-so for me.

Matt: I was more entertained by him that I have been in the past; however, he had pitch problems and MAJOR ISSUES with his "riffing" - Newsflash for Matt: You are NOT Justin Timberlake.

Adam: Dude, he was hands-down my favorite last night. Even though the song choice was a bit odd, it was an extremely difficult song to pull off and he sang it almost flawlessly. He is seriously amazing!!

Bottom 3
Anoop
Scott
Lil

Going Home
Scott

Goodbye, Mr. Big

2009-04-06T08:06:00.000-04:00

For those of you who have never watched Sex & the City, Mr. Big is in reference to the guy Carrie dates in Season 1, has commitment issues and freaks, and then proceeds to randomly pop in and out of her life and screw with her emotions for the next 5 seasons until he finally makes up his mind and decides he really does want to be with her. He's one of those characters you love and hate at the same time because you know they could be together, if only he'd get his s@$% together. I'm sure we've all experienced someone like this in our lives at some point or another. Heaven knows I have...hell, Mr. Big is part of the foundation upon which Melissa Luck is built. Whenever I would break up with someone, my thoughts would come back to my own Mr. Big and a tiny part of me would wonder whether we will eventually get back together. Crazy? Admittedly, yes, maybe a little. Unfounded? No, actually - even the Cyborg, my long-time friend and decoder of male species behavior and communication styles, has confirmed that Mr. Big had indeed been sending very mixed signals ever since we stopped dating several years back. And the Cyborg is never wrong.
However, to stick with the current theme in my life, which is basically getting rid of stuff that isn't healthy for me, I FINALLY wrote Big off for good this weekend because there is no point in keeping someone like that in my life. I'll admit that in the end it didn't go down as eloquently as I had envisioned it in my mind, but it's done, and that's all that matters to me now. I was sad for like, a minute, and since then have felt so free, like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. No more trying to interpret the mixed signals, no more jerking me around or wandering in and out of my life whenever it's convenient for him. It's a fantastic feeling to be rid of all of the BS for once and for all! I'm free!!

My Review of SLC's Nordstrom Rack #2

2009-04-05T11:58:00.009-04:00

I am a Nordstrom Rack connoisseur. I'd say in a given month, I go to Nordstrom Rack on average 4-5 times. I rarely buy anything, but for me, there is nothing better than indulging in some serious retail therapy (even if all I do is try stuff on and wish I had a black Amex to buy up the store) after a long work week. Some people hate the Rack b/c it can be a little chaotic and unorganized at times, but that's what I love about it. You have to work hard to find those rare diamonds in the rough and for me that's just part of the experience. The Rack is not for the weak - you don't do the Rack half-ass, you know what I'm saying? It's sort of like being a true LOST fan - you must put your faith in the island and endure the journey during the good times and the bad, and for us faithful fans, in the end the island ALWAYS delivers.

I have been to several Nordstrom Racks across the country in my day, including the biggies in Portland, Chicago and Minneapolis, but I have to say that the SLC original Rack is by far the best. Simply put, it just has more stuff and better deals. But now, to my delight, there is a second SLC Rack in the 'burbs. The much-anticipated Grand Opening on April 2 has been on my Outlook calendar for weeks now. I almost took the day off work, but instead opted to wait it out and I went with my mom and brother on the evening of the 3rd (which I knew was a mistake because I couldn't take my time with the pressure of having others with me, watching, judging, look at the watch, look at the watch), so then I went again by myself to get the full experience yesterday.

The new location, located in the south end of the valley, is really beautiful, shiny, new, well-lit, and everything is organized by brand. Take the shoe section, for example - the shoes were out in pairs in their original boxes meticulously lined up along the shelves in the correct designated-by-size areas. WHHUUUUUUT?! It was awe-inspiring at first, until you realize they have maybe half the shoes the original location offers because the boxes and full pairs take up so much room. I will say that where it lacked in overall volume across departments for my personal taste, it made up for it in ample selection of big brands like Rock & Republic, True Religion and 7 For All Mankind (each hanging on their own individually labeled stand, no less). The purses looked so pretty on their individual stands, as well. Coach, Hobo, etc. - no digging required. The women working the dressing rooms didn't have that void and listless "I despise the human race" look in their eyes yet, which was surprisingly refreshing. I didn't once get the famous Nordstrom Rack Death Look by trying multiple items on...even after my 5th time back there. It's nothing like the east side location, so for those of you who despise rummaging for the good deals in chaotic disarray and prefer to shop in a neat and tidy store, this would be the LOC (location of choice). However, for me, I left both times feeling a little empty, like I still needed a Rack fix...like I needed to go back up to the original and dig around to feel complete.

All in all, I'd give the new location a grade of B+ for the impressive stock of brand name denim alone, which is where I spent most of my time. Don't get my wrong, I'll still go to the new location from time to time, just to see what the different merchandise. However, the original location, in all of it's chaotic glory, will always be this Nordi Rack connoisseur's LOC.

Pizza Without Cheese = Crazy Delicious

2009-04-03T14:38:00.005-04:00

As you know, I've been committed to making a lot of healthy lifestyle changes lately. Por ejemplo, I've been buying more organic produce and other types of organic or natural-type foods, and have cut out most dairy and replaced it with soy or rice-based products. I've even tried coconut milk-based yogurt (it is awesome). Considering the recent headlines noting rocket fuel has been found in baby formula with the highest traces found in formulas made from cow's milk, this is one of the best decisions I've ever made (especially since I have been known to consume large quantities of baby formula). I also recently discovered this little gem and holy s***, it's tasty.

I know what you are thinking - pizza without cheese?! What are you, insane? That's what I thought too, but since I'm determined to do this whole "healthy" thing right, I thought I'd give it a chance. It is some of the best-tasting pizza I've ever eaten, seriously. I highly recommend it. Oh, and I also got to use my gas oven for the first time ever - I was hesitant at first, especially when the smell of gas permeated my entire kitchen when I turned it on (probably not normal, but nothing about my apartment is), but the soft red glow coming from the bottom of the oven actually worked! Gas-infused pizza - not quite as bad as rocket fuel - YUM!

PS - I Forgot to Mention I Love Adam's Tongue

2009-04-02T15:01:00.005-04:00

Even though Adam Lambert seems just a little quasi-gay, I would still let him put that tongue all over me. I'm just saying. Watch it the next time he does his little rocker scream thing...and get ready to let him (and by him I mean his tongue) take you places you've never been before...

The Idol Gods Have Spoken

2009-04-02T10:35:00.003-04:00

Megan (No) Joy was finally sent packing last night. Though I hadn't predicted she would actually go, I am so pleased with the results I could just cry (or maybe that's just the lack of sleep talking). And why the hell is Allison consistently in the bottom three?? She is one of the most talented Idols this year!! Aside from the fact that at 16 years old, she actually looks like a 45 year old IHOP waitress working the night shift to feed her 3 kids from three different men, she has some mad vocal skillzzz and is not getting the respect from the voters she deserves. I will make sure to vote for her from here on out because this is ridic!

As you all know, I religiously follow Michael Slezak's Idol recaps on EW.com. This week he posted his exit interview with Michael Sarver. I admit, I was not a huge fan of Sarver, but always thought he was a nice guy, and after seeing his interview, I am even more impressed with him. I think with a little bit of training and experience, he will do well - at least, I hope he does.

Did anyone else totally melt when David Cook performed last night? Though I didn't catch the entire performance because I was watching LOST first and foremost (priorities, people), it was so great to see some experienced talent up on the stage...and his skin was so silky smooth. Perhaps he has undergone some chemical peels. And I loved that his mom was completely COVERED in diamonds! He is a good son. :)

Idol Recap/I Heart Kris Allen

2009-04-01T11:01:00.004-04:00

Last week I did not recap Idol because I missed the 2nd hour due to LOST being on at the same time and did not feel I could do it justice. We all have our priorities...needless to say, I still predicted that Michael would go home and home he went! It was just his time. Tonight is a bit more difficult to predict, considering several Idols gave sub par performances. Here's a quick recap of my initial thoughts as they performed, along with my predictions as to who will go home tonight.

Anoop: Dude, wipe that arrogant smirk off your face, b/c I fear you'll be in the bottom three tonight. I have gone from Anoop supporter to Anoop hater.

Megan: SGJ, honey...the high-waisted pants are not only a Glamour "don't" these days, but not even you, the resident Barbie doll, can pull those off. Her singing was atrocious, per usual. Bottom Three.

Gokey: The dude was uber overrated last night yet again. Did anyone else hear the pitch problems, or was that just coming out of my TV set? Yes, I got what he was trying to sing about - his wife...again. Maybe I'm really just a horribly cynical person, but ENOUGH already. This week he'll easily get through to the next round because he again tugged the heart strings of America with his back story.

Allison: I love her, but they were right on with the outfit choice. Yikes! She also seemed slightly awkward on stage - the guitar was cool but she only used it for the first couple of lines and then it just sort of hung there...awkward. She'll go through to the next round, hopefully sans spiky hair and white platforms.

Matt: Yikes...all I can say is, yikes. I've never been a fan of Matt, and this week certainly did not change my mind. The only thing that will save him from being in the Bottom Three this week is Lil Rounds' performance...but I'll get to that.

Scott: Even with the fro'd out 80's perm totally distracting me, he actually was more entertaining than he has been in past weeks. I think he'll stay for another round - he really does have a nice voice - not perfect, but FM 100 nice.

Lil: BORING and pitchy. She is just so out of place compared to the rest of the contestants this year. I don't know what it is about her, but her voice always sounds off to me. Bottom Three.

Adam: What can I say - the guy can out-sing and out-perform everyone else in the group this year. I LOVE watching him do his thing on stage. Though I realize he probably turns some viewers off with this occasional rocker screams, he has to have enough supporters to easily put him through to the next round.

Kris: I can't say this enough - I want to have 10,000 of his babies. He BROUGHT IT last night, and totally captivated me with his performance AND his perfect complexion. He has easily surpassed Gokey in the likability arena, in my opinion. Danny sort of plateaued awhile back, where as Kris just keeps getting better and better...and hotter and hotter. Heh.

Prediction - Bottom Three
Anoop
Megan
Lil

Prediction - Who Is Going Home?
Lil - only because Megan has the VFTW people voting for her, in addition to her apparent "fans" - which includes Shay, and...Shay.

10 Reasons I Love Being Single

2009-03-31T12:15:00.012-04:00

We all know there are pros and cons to being single, as well as to being in a relationship. Since I'm currently single, and have been for oh, a year and a half now, I've been focusing on the positives of being on my own. Here are some of my favorite things about being a single gal.

1. I do whatever I want, whenever I want, and don't have to answer to anyone...ever. It's glorious.

2. I don't feel any pressing need to shave my legs - I only do it when I feel like it. Saves a ton in razor bills, not to mention time.

3. I don't have any pressure to meet the family or impress the friends.

4. I don't ever have to share the bed and I can wear my granny panties whenever I want - especially when I go over to Marcus' house to hang out.

5. I don't have to worry about investing tons of time, energy and emotion into a relationship that may or may not even last. Instead I can invest that time into strengthening other lasting relationships that are important to me and ridding my life of those that aren't benefiting me in any way.

6. I am learning and loving more about myself every day: what I like, what I don't like, and what I ultimately want when I do have another relationship some day.

7. I've pushed myself to do things I never would have if I'd have been in a relationship because I would have asked the guy to do it for me. Even though I fully believe women can do everything men can do (sung to the tune "Everything You Can Do, I Can Do Better"), let's be real, ladies - if you have a man in your life, you end up asking him for help with things you'd rather not do (even though you can), like fixing the toilet or killing the huge disgusting spider in the corner, whether you want to admit it or not.

8. I can blatantly ogle beautiful men anywhere I go all I want and never feel even a hint of guilt for doing it.

9. The lack of physical contact with a man has really inspired me to work off that seemingly unending energy at the gym. It is actually starting to do wonders to my waste band and has even (slightly) toned down my insatiable desire to be ravaged..heh.

10. Overall, my life is just so much simpler, and I love it. :)

Quick AI Recap

2009-03-18T08:36:00.000-04:00

Michael - Bottom 3; looks super uncomfortable on stage and couldn't understand a word. Boy needs to start working out so he doesn't pass out on stage due to lack of oxygen.

Allison - Underrated - I heart her so.

Kris - Great performance from the tender dawg, and I still want to have his babies.

Lil - Missed her song while driving over to Justin's, but from what I heard, I didn't miss much. Bottom 3.

Scott - Was it me, or did he basically sing the same song as last week? I agree that he needs to mix it up a little. Bottom 3.

Danny - 1st half was a train wreck; 2nd half he redeemed himself.

Adam - WTF...I'm speechless.

Anoop - Though he did do better than last week, arrogance was oozing out of his pores last night which totally turns me off to him.

Megan - I got no 'joy' out of her performance, and for the love, STOP DANCING. She should be a model, not an entertainer.

Alexis - Not the best song for her, but she's got a great voice. I hope she stays.

Matt - Totally overrated - I am not a fan. Was it just me, or was he totally pitchy last night????

My Spin on AI

2009-03-11T16:08:00.006-04:00

Overall, I am pleasantly surprised with this year's group of Idol hopefuls. I was skeptical, but seeing them perform as a group, one after another, helped show they've got the goods (for the most part). And that's saying a lot, considering they had to choose from Michael freakin' Jackson collection! AS IF anyone could actually pull off Michael Jackson w/out looking like a drunken karaoke singer on stage for the 4th time in one night. Usually there are more than a couple of contestants at this point in the show that make me want to throw my slippers at the TV and swear off American Idol for good. Out of the top 13 this year, only one makes my skin REALLY crawl...but I'll get to that in a few.

Here is my quick recap of last night, not necessarily in order:

Lil Rounds: Amazing pipes, but the outfit had me wincing and it was really hard to concentrate on anything else. Slap on the wrist to her glam squad. I don't think she'll go the finale, mainly because she seems a little rough around the edges and people won't be willing to kink their fingers to put votes through for her.

Scott: Scott...Scott...oh, yes! Scott. As he was performing, I had to admit to myself that I liked him better than I thought I would with his piano, since I hadn't heard him during Hollywood Week. That being said, by the time the end of the show rolled around, I had completely forgotten about him. He's sweet, and hopefully he'll make it through to the next round, but let's face it. He's the FM 100 forgettable-type - he might stick around a few more rounds, but then he's toast.

Danny: Oh, Danny Boy, sweet sweet Danny Boy. I love you and your trendy glasses with matching shirt under your tailored jacket. I love your awkward dance moves. I want to jump up on stage and dance your awkward dance with you. In the words of Josh Groban, "you raISE ME UUUUUPP!!!" with your voice, charm, hotness, and sheer likability. Did I mention I love Danny?

Michael: Yes, I was on the phone with my mom moments before he sang, joking about how our resident country singer was so NOT going to fit into Michael Jackson's genre. Yes, I scoffed at the thought of him doing well, but can you blame me - need I bring up images of his horrid take on Gavin DeGraw's I Don't Wanna Be a mere few weeks ago?? And even though during the recap at the end of the night it was clear he didn't crack the top 8, if I'm being totally honest with myself, the dawg pulled it off better than I expected. I'll put it this way: I didn't hate it.

Jasmine: No personality, AGAIN. She stands up there like a posed Barbie doll afraid to move or she'll break. How many times are the judges going to talk about 17 year old Jasmine like she's some amazing diamond in the rough, the end product of a wish they all made by rubbing some magic lamp back stage, then granted by the magical genie and dropped off right onto the Idol stage by none other than Aladdin and his magic carpet? Yes, she's marketable...to a robot manufacturing plant. GET OVER IT.

Allison: I love her sultry voice and rocker chick vibe, and by the end of her performance, I was wishing I had Internet access so I could download her rendition of MJ's Give In To Me on iTunes immediately. She totally reminds me of Kelly Clarkson. Love her.

Matt: I'm sorry. I know everyone loves Matt. But honestly, he's forgettable to me, even with the piano. So forgettable, that I had to reference Rae's blog just to remember which one out of the 13 I was missing for this post. And the dude was even in one of the most pimp slots of the night. I dunno...jury's still out on this one for me.

Kris: I want to have 10,000 of his babies. 'nuf said.

Megan: This girl makes my skin crawl. I cannot stand her little nose crinkles or cutesy half-shimmy movements on stage. And don't get my started on the now infamous "caw caw" to finish off her horrendous performance. Whoever taught this girl to dance, then told her she should dance in front of others, should be severely punished by being tied down and forced to watch the clips of her dancing and singing over and over and over, with their eyes taped open so they can never sleep. Just watching...and listening. Not to mention her fake back story about how she's doing this for her son. Oh, you mean the son she abandoned because she wanted to go out and party it up all night long without having to deal with the burden of being married with a child? Ok, I thought that was the son you were talking about. Just checking. And one more thing. Where did the innocent little free-flowin' hippie go from Hollywood week? Goodbye innocence, hello hussy with the chesticles pushed up to her chin and heels as high as the day is long. Phony. Fake. YUCK.

Jorge: There is something about Jorge that I really like. He's just so darn...likable. HOWEVER, his cheestastic performance last night was sooo over the top with the 80's jacket and salsa moves and ginormous eyebrows wiggling around. Eck. Jorge, take it down a notch and you'll be ok. Also, please request an eyebrow wax from the glam squad. PS - I still like you.

Anoop: First, everyone together, yell with me: A-NOOOOOOOOP!! Ok, moving on. C'mon, Anoop - really? Are you really that arrogant that you think you can sing Beat It and NOT sound like a total idiot trying to sing like Michael Jackson? I love you dude, you've got charisma. But you need to show us you've got mad vocal skillzzz + crowd pleasing abilities. I hope he doesn't get eliminated for his poor choice.

Adam: I got chills watching Adam perform, and mostly in a good way. He's got this whole singing on the Idol stage thing down pat with his guyliner, painted nails, and rocker attire. There were a few moments, I'll admit, when the singing was no longer singing at all, and instead a shrill screeching screamy noise, but aside from those few brief attacks on the ol' eardrum, it was pretty amazing. The Cyborg has even called it: a Danny vs. Adam finale. We'll see about that, but I definitely think he'll go far.

Alexis: I really love her and feel like she got totally screwed last night - I'm worried. First, the judges told her she 'over sang' it. Whuuuut? Were you not the same judges watching and then praising Adam for kicking the living S*** out of Black or White? She put just as much passion and effort into her song, but she got 'over sung' and he got 'you are a God walking among mere mortals' - huh? So not fair. Second, she got the freaky weird voting number - it wasn't 866-IDOLS13 as it should have been, because that number is already being used...as a phone sex hotline. I don't want to know how many parents had to have the "talk" w/ their kids after they accidentally called thinking they were voting for Alexis. Instead, she was assigned a random number, and because they made such a big deal out of it on the show, I decided to call and vote for her once. I got through on the first try. I figured it was a fluke, so I tried again, and got through. And again...and AGAIN FOR AN HOUR and not once did I get a busy signal. That NEVER happens, even for the Sanjaya's and the Kristy Lee Cook's out there. Yep, she's screwed.

Ok, so that turned out to be not-so-quick, but it was fun nonetheless. Until next time, Namaste!

Lent Update

2009-03-07T20:30:00.000-05:00

1. Started buying Soy milk and yogurt...yogurt is pretty tasty. The milk will take some getting used to, but I'm determined to cut out dairy as much as possible. Still working on the whole cheese thing, though.

2. Started buying organic veggies and fruit. Continuing to replace non-organic items with the organic stuff as needed.

3. Have not been to Cafe Rio or had a bubble tea per my Lent sacrifices. So far, still going strong.

4. Deciding whether I should indulge in one more meal (with meat) from a few of my favorite places before I become a true vegetarian for life...no more of this "half-ass vegetarian" stuff.

5. I deleted Unstable Douche's number. The only reason I kept it was because if he tried to call me, I would see his name (labeled as 'Unstable Douche') on the screen and know not to answer. However, everyone I know and love from Indiana is already programmed into my phone, so if I see a number I don't recognize, I just won't answer. Duh.

6. Still trying to figure out what to do about my own real-life Mr. Big. More on this later.

I think those are the highlights so far. It's boring, but it's part of my life.

The Great Email Signature Debate

2009-02-25T10:06:00.009-05:00

One of my biggest work pet peeves EVER is getting an email from someone with no signature at the bottom. This especially holds true for my fellow colleagues working at the U or any other university, because we all use Outlook; therefore, we all have the capability of setting up and saving a signature that is then automatically inserted into every new email we write, in addition to all replies and forwards. Yes, it's that simple: type it up, save it, and Outlook does the rest of the work for you always and forever more. You might be asking yourself why I care so much? Mainly, I'm just anal retentive about some things, this being one of them. But more importantly, I believe that including a signature makes each and every email look 100 times more professional and legitimate. You are a professional and your work emails and all other communication you put out there as a representative of "X" department should reflect this professionalism. I am particularly adamant about including a signature if you ever communicate with anyone in another department on campus or anyone outside of the University. I can't stand it when I get an email from someone from another department with no signature and all they do is sign their first name - we'll use the name "John" as an example, as if we should all know who John is because there is only one John in the entire universe. By simply adding basic information such as name, title, and perhaps a phone number to the bottom of the email so I know who you are and how to contact you if I have questions, it makes a world of difference...at least to me.

Now, just because I believe wholeheartedly in the power of the email signature, this does NOT mean I'm a fan of those who include uber-lengthy signatures on every email. What I mean to say is, KEEP THOSE @#$% INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES, CHEESY GRAPHICS AND LIFE LESSONS TO YOURSELF. We don't need to know every time we get an email that "The best way to prepare for life is to begin to live" - Elbert Hubbard, or "Imagination is more important than knowledge" - Albert Einstein. If I wanted a dose of inspiration I'd find it myself - don't force it on me each and every time you send me an email. And I especially don't need you to tell me how to live my life to the fullest via your work email.

Finally, for the love of all that is good and holy, use a greeting and sign your name to your emails, even if you have a signature. It may sound redundant, but let's be honest: it is already difficult enough to decipher the overall tone of online communication because you can't "hear" that subtle hint of sarcasm or "see" the person smile (or frown) as they are writing. Your greeting and sign off set the overall tone of the message. For example, "Dear John" is much different than "Hi, John!", which is much different than "Where is that worksheet we..." with no hi or hello. Talk about harsh and impersonal. Similarly, signing your email with "Best, Melissa" vs. "Thanks, Melissa" vs. "Love, Melissa" vs. "NOTHING BECAUSE I'M TOO BUSY AND IMPORTANT TO SIGN MY NAME AND YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW WHO I AM BECAUSE I'M BUSY AND IMPORTANT." Get my point?

Thanks so much!
Melissa Luck
Professional Pessimist
NoFun, Inc.
(801) YOU-WISH

Random Thoughts

2009-02-24T10:16:00.008-05:00

- I'm trying Jergen's Natural Glow self-tanning lotion because my body hasn't seen sunlight in years and I don't want to look pale for yet another wedding, which is in June. I'm putting it on my legs only right now just to see if it works and to make sure it won't just turn my skin a crazy shade of orange. It's day three and I am actually starting to see a change. So far, no orange, but I do see a hint of color. Could I have found a diamond in the rough? We'll see...

- Currently I'm reading Skinny Bitch, which claims that if we want to be healthy we should be eating organic-only food and using organic-only products. I was honestly a little skeptical at first, but the more I read, the more I am considering the notion of going vegetarian, if not vegan, someday very soon. Just keep in mind that if you do read this book, don't read it right before bed or if you are just trying to relax. By the end of chapter 6, entitled "You Are What You Eat", I was nearly hyperventilating and trying to keep my head from exploding, and then had to turn the light off and try to go to sleep. Not such a good idea. And I'm just guessing that Jergen's Natural Glow isn't all that natural. Damn it, I'm not off to a very good start here, am I?

- Speaking of exploding heads, LOST is pretty amazing this season, as expected. This show is genius, I tell you. GENIUS. Definitely worth the long wait. It's so complex it makes me head spin, but that's part of the fun. I can't wait to see what happens this season.

- American Idol fever is starting to creep in to my world again, ever so slowly. I started tuning around Hollywood Week, and can sense myself getting sucked in. I mean, let's be real - what else is there to do during these cold winter nights? And it's worth watching to catch a glimpse of some of last year's talent (see previous blog). There will never be another David Cook or Michael Johns to swoon over, but I'm hoping the new season will at least provide some form of entertainment for a few months (and I am totally digging Michael Slezak's recaps on EW.com again this year - hilarious). Autumn...give in to the magic and wonder that is American Idol. I know you want to - just do it. Take this journey with me.

- Ok, I'm about to partake in my last bubble tea before Lent. I ate my last Cafe Rio meal yesterday. It's the end of an era. Sigh...

Here We Go Again...LENT 2009

2009-02-21T15:06:00.002-05:00

Yes, I'm observing Lent again this year. Even though I'm not a religious person at this time in my life, in many ways I think Lent is a great concept for anyone who needs an excuse to reboot. In the past I've used it as a way to give up certain items that I'm consuming too much, such as Frappuccinos, for 40 days + the Sundays - yep, I'm hardcore. Last year I gave up Frapps, and it honestly changed my life. In fact, I rarely drink them at all anymore - a HUGE change going from drinking one a day to none for weeks at a time. Observing Lent should probably be a more private affair, one between me, myself, and whatever higher power there is out there. However, I like to let people know I'm observing so that (hopefully) they don't try to tempt me with whatever it is I'm giving up. However, because I'm proclaiming my sacrifices to the world, I now expect daily calls from Marcus during Lent asking me to do just that. I know him too well. This year, I will be giving up two great loves: Cafe Rio (and knock-offs like Costa Vida) and bubble tea. I have been obsessed with both ever since I moved back, and as such, have gained 10 lbs and lost I don't want to know how much cash in the process. I will also be using this time to reflect (I nearly vomited at this word choice - grad school peeps will understand - but it's true) to figure out what other changes I need or want to make in my life. Things I'm considering: going out to eat much less, deleting certain numbers from my phone, signing up for a few personal training sessions, and a few other agenda items. So, you know what I'll be doing on Tuesday evening pre-Idol - gorging myself with Cafe Rio and bubble tea...one...last...time. :)

I Heart Them...

2009-02-20T14:11:00.002-05:00

Sigh...

The Peabody Ducks

2009-02-17T09:10:00.002-05:00

Most of you know I went to Orlando last week to support the students at the Oncology Nursing Society conference. Ok, so what was I really doing there since I'm not a nurse? I'm still not exactly sure. What I do know is that I had checked out a 15 lb laptop from the College so that I could work while I was there, only to find out once I got there that it did not have wireless capability. Not only that, but I had not been granted access to our network drives from outside the College, so I couldn't access my documents, either. So, the trip went from being a possible great opportunity to work on some projects I hadn't been able to touch in awhile to an unproductive long weekend during which I felt guilty pretty much the entire time for not getting a thing done. Luckily the hotel had a converter kit you could use on your laptop to give it wireless capability, but the connection was really touch and go, not to mention the fact that I couldn't access the documents I needed, anyway. Thankfully the weather was beautiful so I tried to spend time outside, I discovered a Victoria's Secret Outlet down the road, and then of course there were the Peabody Ducks to keep me entertained:

They stay in the lobby and play in this fountain from 11 AM to 5 PM every day. And each time they either come down from their "penthouse" or go back up, there is this huge production with music and the red carpet and all. It was pretty amusing. I think the best part, though, was that I think their "penthouse" was right next to my room, because even when the ducks weren't in the lobby, I could hear them quacking right outside my hotel room window. By the way, their so-called penthouse was located on the 6th floor - there are like 23 floors in this hotel.

A aerial view of the fountain and ducks.

You can see a man squeegeeing the duck droppings off the fountain. What a job, huh?

One of the ducks just chillin'.

Snuggie Gone Bad

2009-02-02T18:30:00.015-05:00

First came this Snuggie for those unfortunate souls struggling with incontinence - it tucks and snugs at the same time - no fashion sense or self-respect required. Next, the Snuggie, otherwise known as the WTF Blanket (or your robe worn backwards...or your...sleeping bag?), we have come to know and love and want (if anyone finds some for sale in a local store, I've got dibs on the blood color). And now we have...smittens? Because when you are a couple, heaven forbid you should go without touching each other...ever. Thanks, Paul, for sending me this link. A perfect accessory to pair with either Snuggie mentioned above. But the worst invention to date involving the inappropriate swaddling of body parts has got to be the Laptop Body Sweater Privacy Curtain. I love the side view; it really provides a full visual of how ridiculously awesome this thing is.

Despite the sheer genius of all of these inventions, I'm somewhat dismayed by the lack of accessories available to pair with them, particularly the Snuggie 2. Wouldn't it be great if you could not only wear your Snuggie out and about, but carry all of your personal effects with you without the burden of using a wallet or purse? What if we could somehow get the creators of Snuggie to put out a line of velcro-able items (pockets, secret pouches, utility belts, and the like) that can then be attached to the Snuggie and as a result, solve all of the world's problems and create the Utopian society we all continue to strive toward day in and day out? Better yet, let's take it to the next level and install flaps (for lack of a better term) in all the "right" places on the Snuggie to allow for easy access to everyday activities like going to the bathroom or having relations, all without having to lift up or remove the Snuggie at all. Just think, you could remain swaddled in the warmth of the Snuggie 24/7...FOR-EV-ER. I can't imagine what they'll come up with next...

Watch Out, World!

2009-01-22T13:00:00.004-05:00

So, the last 24 hours or so have been something for the record book. I got home from work yesterday, PMS-texted my ex (much like "drunk-texting", only more irrational), ate half a bag of baked Scoops with mango & peach salsa, had Life cereal for dinner, and then drank a glass of wine while watching LOST. Although LOST was fantastic, I found today that it did not lift me entirely out of the PMS fog in which I'm currently "lost". This morning I got to work, looked at my inbox, had a mini-freak out session, and then proceeded to walk to Starbucks to get a Caramel Frapp. The Starbucks happens to be directly across from the Cummings studio chocolate shop, so I stopped in and grabbed a bag of chocolate covered gummi bears for the road. The lady behind the counter must have sensed my angst so she offered me a sample of anything behind the counter - I chose a chocolate caramel almond thing. I'm now back at my desk and I've eaten the free sample, and am plowing through the bag of gummi bears and nearly finished with my drink. It's not even noon yet and I've already consumed more calories than any human being should in a week. So much for fitting back into my favorite jeans anytime soon.

The Best Week EVER!

2009-01-21T10:47:00.024-05:00

After a weekend spent in seclusion after a draining orientation week at work, I have welcomed this new week with open arms for several reasons.

Monday: I had the day off work for the MLK holiday. Awesome. Paul fixed my computer and I have now officially re-entered civilization. Thank you, Paul, for ushering me back into the real world after many months of wandering aimlessly with no connection to the outside world. Now if only my landlord would come through on that elusive internet connection she promises on her website...

Tuesday: Barack H. Obama officially became our 44th President of the United States. Most of my co-workers and I blatantly did not work for approximately two hours while watching the coverage on CNN.com and MSNBC.com. I fought back tears of joy and witnessed one of the most amazing events to date in this country's history.
I got goosebumps when Aretha did what she does best. I loved his speech (isn't it great to have someone intelligent and well-spoken in the White House??) and couldn't help but smirk a little as he dished out some semi-covert digs directed at GW, et al. I felt hope and confidence in our nation once again. Yes, I've got Obama Fever like everyone else. But for me, the most jarring event occurred when I witnessed arguably one of the most horrendous fashion faux pas at a Presidential Inauguration when Dr. Jill Biden stepped out to watch her hubby get sworn in as Veep wearing...black knee-high hooker boots?! A bold, and in my humble opinion, inappropriate, choice for such an event. Those of you who know me know I'm no prude, so I know my opinion regarding this matter may come as a shock. Now, I'm not saying I don't like hooker boots or that I don't own two pairs myself, because I do. They have certainly made a fashion comeback the last few years and I like the trend. They are perfect with jeans (over or under), skirts, tights, etc. They also make a statement, or should I say, scream a statement: I like sex...throw me over the hood of your car and do me now. Perhaps the type of message I'd like to send, say, if I was going out to a bar or something. Not exactly the message I'd want to send as the Veep's wife to the millions and millions of people witnessing this historic event. Hooker boots have become more mainstream, yes, but I don't think they've reached the point in our society at which we can separate the boots as a simple accessory from the overtly sexual messages they have represented for the past few decades. Even when I wear mine I can't help but feel like people are making certain assumptions about me as a result of the boots - for example, I have this amazing wool Ann Taylor knee-length skirt that was made to be worn with a pair of knee-high boots, but can rarely bring myself to wear the ensemble to work, or anywhere else, because of what the boots imply when worn with a skirt. I get it, ok. She's a strong, independent and confident MILF in her late 50's who makes bold, trendy fashion statements. In nearly ANY other scenario I would applaud and admire her in this choice. However, NOT for the Presidential Inauguration. Sorry, Jill - it ain't workin' for me, unless you are workin' the corner of State and 3rd afterward.

Today: LOST Season 5 begins. OMG...GOM...MGO. And in case you are wondering, yes, I just jizzed in my pants. Jin, I can't wait to see you again, because I know you are still alive.

Thursday: The last of the PhD applicant interviews will be completed at work. One step closer to being done with the admissions process for the year after going through two cohort admissions back-to-back last year.

Friday: There really isn't anything of note happening on this day, but it's Friday. Fridays are inherently awesome.

Could this week honestly get any better? I think not.

Thanks to Airz, Bare Ends and Old Gregg!

2009-01-05T14:18:00.013-05:00

The ladies of Twain came to visit me this weekend. I was delighted to be able to show them around the great city of Salt Lake, introduce them to my friends, show them how Ute fans roll, welcome Leah to the joy of Rock Band and playing the drums with no instructions, see dead bodies and flaccid penises together, and force Cafe Rio down their throats. They admitted that Cafe Rio definitely has some sort of addictive substance in it - what that substance is was never actually identified on this trip. I gave Autumn a lap dance she won't soon forget. Leah traveled to Utah with nothing but a puffy vest to keep her warm on one of the coldest weekends this season. Autumn witnessed the glory of the Temple Square lights. Together we experienced the awesomeness that is Nordstrom Rack, Ruth's Diner and Little Cottonwood Canyon. My apartment had no water the first two days, and then no hot water the last days they were in town - cold showers all around. We learned that my brother once tried to kidnap a little person to make him do tricks in his high school locker. Autumn made us watch 'Old Gregg' with his downstairs mix-up more times than anyone should ever have to in one lifetime. All in all, I'd say it was a memorable and invigorating trip. Ladies, this blog is dedicated to you. I love you both and can't wait to see you in June for Leah's wedding. Thanks for visiting - SLC will welcome you back with open arms anytime.

One Year Ago Today...

2008-12-31T09:25:00.002-05:00

I got up early, drove to Nowhere, Indiana, slid on black ice into a ditch (which was the beginning of the end of the Legg Mobile), kept going and picked up my precious little baby Cairn Terrier, Ralphie. Little did I know how this would change my life forever. You all remember the strife and anguish, the joy and laughter, the pain and pure hell I experienced while raising him by myself in West Lafayette.

Back when my only time of peace and tranquility was when I was sitting on the cold floor, holding a bone so he could chew without it slipping away from him (and so he would sit in one spot so I didn't have to follow his ass around watching for him to squat). Oh the tears that were shed as I spent hours potty training and cleaning pee and standing outside in the middle of the Midwest winter weather while he lazily picked a spot (or more often not) to do his business. There were many a nights I called my mom sobbing, telling her I couldn't do it anymore. But I am stronger than I think, pushed through the pain, and it was well worth it.

When I brought him back to Utah in April, my family had mixed emotions - he was too much work, he had too much energy, his bark was too loud, etc etc. Roxie, our golden retriever, was definitely NOT impressed and pouted in her corner for days on end. And now, everybody adores him, including Roxie. He and Roxie are BFF's and she has actually lost a ton of weight because she is more active than ever just trying to keep up with him. My dad absolutely LOVED him - he would call me when he was on the road just to check on Ralphie, and we called my dad the "treat man" because he would put little nuggets of dog food in his pocket and periodically give one to Ralphie throughout the day - Ralph followed him around night and day.

And he has been so good for my mom in light of recent events - he stays with her in West Jordan and keeps her active and busy and she just loves him...to the point that I don't know if I'm ever going to actually get him back. But he does love his Grandma - he cuddles with her all the time and loves to sit on her lap while going for a car ride. My brother Andrew has taken more pictures of Ralphie than everyone else in the family combined (and I have a crapload of Ralph pics). And me...well, I love him dearly and look forward to going to visit WeJo just so I can spend time with my boy. He is hilarious and provides so much entertainment. He really has brought so much life back into the Pederson household. He is our sensitive little boy and we love him so. I hereby dedicate the year 2008 to my little man, Ralphie!

"One of the Greatest Shows ON EARTH" - The Peabody Ducks

2008-12-29T11:34:00.001-05:00

I am happy to report that I will be attending the ONS (Oncology Nursing Society) conference in Orlando Florida in February. You are probably thinking to yourself - why is she going to a nursing conference - she isn't a nurse. And how right you are; however, I am going because our oncology-focused distance PhD students and faculty will be attending and I get to meet with the students between sessions to talk about coursework, etc. Plus, I didn't get to meet these students in October when they came to campus because I was in Fargo for my dad's funeral. So...sure, I'll go to the ONS conference, stay in a $400/night hotel in Orlando, plan a faculty/student dinner or two, and meet with students off and on all day. As you can imagine, I am already excited enough just to be able to go and meet my students in person, so when I saw this feature of the hotel in which we are staying, I become just slightly aroused and was overcome with anticipation, delight and sheer amazement. My friends, February 11 through 14, 2009, I will apparently witness one of the greatest shows ON EARTH. And no, it's not at Disney World, Universal Studios, Sea World, the NASA Kennedy Space Center, or the countless other attractions in the area. The greatest show on earth can instead be found daily at 11:00 AM and 5:00 PM in the lobby of The Peabody Hotel. I won't even have to leave the building to witness this historic event. I can already tell you that my traveling advising show will be set up right here in the bar area, so while we talk about classes and drink our duck-themed drinks we can simultaneously bask in the glory of The Peabody Ducks. I LOVE MY LIFE!

Angry Elf's First Journey to Campus Post-Move

2008-12-23T11:54:00.002-05:00

I'd like to recount a series of events that occurred this morning in true Melissa Luck fashion in hopes that it will teach the future generations of this world a major life lesson. I am not sure what that lesson would be yet but when I figure it out, I will let you know.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

3:05 AM - wake up and cannot get back to sleep despite the fact that I am wearing my red pants. Write last-minute Christmas cards, work on my budget, and read a few pages from Wicked.

4:30-6:30 AM - go back to sleep...sort of.

6:30-7:30 AM - get ready for work.

7:30-7:45 AM - drive to main campus in the snow. Barely make it up the hill on 1st South. Drive to my usual "A" parking area near the Park building only to find that all spaces have now turned to "reserved only" parking. Turn around and go to the "B List" parking lot behind the Union.

7:45-8:10 AM - make my way to the Student Services Building. Nearly slip and fall on my ass at least 3 times because I am wearing heels, and sit in the lobby waiting for the Registrar to open. Registrar opens at 8:00 - drop the grade change forms off and head through the building to the Park Building to drop off the next set of forms to the Grants & Contracts office, which is located on the 4th floor. Get to the 4th floor - it is closed due to construction. Head back to the 3rd floor and find someone to kindly tell me where the office is now located. Apparently G&C has moved to the "old Art building"...ok, cool. Where is that, you ask? On the other side of campus, next to the Utah Museum of Fine Arts. Sounds easy enough. Head back to my car and drive/slide over to the UMFA.

8:10-9:00 AM - slowly make my way out of the parking lot, across the street, nearly get sprayed with sleet from an oncoming bus, and find what I think is the "old Art building". Wander around the 1st floor for awhile looking for a sign, walk past construction workers jack hammering tile in the bathroom, and into a dark and deserted art studio. Now have a feeling this may not the right place. Turn around and call G&C to confirm the location. Some guy answers the phone and I tell him I am in the Art building that is connected to the Architecture building and ask him if that is the indeed the building in which they are located. He says yes. I ask him which floor - he answers the "top" floor above the auditorium. I ask him what room number - he says there isn't a room number because they are all sitting in cubicles together. Ok...so, I wander up to the "top" floor only to find more deserted art studios with little to no light and get freaked out that some crazed old starving artist might jump out of the shadows and come at me with a paint brush or something. Hurry to the connecting hallway into the Architecture building. At this point I am sweating profusely and probably already have a mild to moderate case of B.O. I am about to give up when a woman who clearly works in the building sees me and asks if she can help. I am relieved and tell her I am looking for G&C. She laughs and points out the window toward a completely different building - not at all the building that is connected to the Architecture building as the man on the phone had just confirmed. WTF. I walk over to the building, open the door, and into a kitchen area. Again, WTF. Ask the people standing around the water cooler if G&C is in this building - yes, it is - just follow the hallway around the corner. Walk up to a bank of cubicles and 2-3 people sitting in the first bank avoid eye contact with me as I stand there waiting. I finally continue walking and see a small sign that says "Grants & Contracts Accounts" - and behind it sits the nasty little man who gave me the wrong directions. I throw my shoulders back, shake off my anger, smile, and hand him the forms. He takes the forms but doesn't make eye contact. Must be something in the water in this building. He finally decides to pull his headphones off after I stand and continue to stare at him for a minute. I ask him if these forms typically need to be hand delivered because of the vast amount of sensitive information on them (I had left a message there yesterday asking this but no one returned my call), and he tells me that no, people usually just send them campus mail. Cool. Then I casually say, "boy, this building sure is hard to find." He continues to sit and stare at me, mumbles something that sounded like "uh-huh" and puts his headphones back on. Suddenly all I see is red flames and force myself to walk away without making a snide remark. It is the holidays, after all. I need to be nice.

9:00-9:15 AM - leave campus in a fit of rage, only to get held up, literally, at every single stop light on my way down town. I feel my head starting to explode. Decide I need bubble tea to get through the rest of the morning and head over to Coffee Connection.

9:15-9:30 AM - continue driving to the new office. Didn't hit as many lights this time - must be the bubble tea.

So, basically, a campus errand that should have taken 10 minutes took over an hour. My patience for the holiday season traffic and mass of stupid people everywhere is now officially obliterated. If you see a silver Mazda3 driving toward you from now through the first of the year, do yourself a favor and just get out of the damn way.

My New "Office"

2008-12-22T16:00:00.000-05:00

I know you all have been waiting with bated breath to see my new cubicle, so here it is, in all of its 5'x7' glory - my new "office" for the next 2 years. That's right, folks. I took everything from that spacious office featured in my previous blog and shoved it all right here. The shelf in the upper left corner is full of stuff that other people ever-so-lovingly passed on to me the day or two before we moved as they began to sift through their own offices and after I had packed most of my stuff, so I have yet to sift through and "clutter clear" the unnecessary items. The large filing cabinet on the far right is also mine, and that pretty much sums up my space for the next two years. Trying to remain optimistic, I would like to focus in on my prized possessions within my "office"...the beautiful Legg mug from Leah (one of my most favorite things EVER); the judging-watching Dwight bobblehead doll; one of many plants (most of which now live at home); my cute fabric 'U' from Anthropologie to proudly display my Ute pride in style; and then there is my newest gem - the Obama mouse pad-turned wall decor because it has too many lines and confused my infrared mouse. Cue intro Halo music here...Ah-ah-ahhh-ah-ah-ah-ahhh. There he is, OBAMA, a great beacon of hope in my tiny little cubicle. Isn't it glorious? He helps me remember that this change is something we can believe in, and if I can put in two full years in a cubicle, when it's all done we'll get to move back into a beautifully-renovated building - and hopefully I will have an office with a window again like the one I had long ago at Purdue. Sigh...let's just keep our fingers crossed that the heating and cooling duct problems will also be worked out so that as I am sitting in my glorious new office you can't also hear (and feel) air forcing its way through the building all day long. In all honesty, the cubicle doesn't bother me that much, although I can see how it could become increasingly annoying because every time I leave my desk I have to lock everything up due to student privacy issues. When I had my own office, I could leave things strewn all over the place because whenever I left I just locked my office door, and that was that. I guess I'll have to get organized or something.

This Blog Brought to You by: Pants

2008-12-20T16:06:00.000-05:00

So, I was helping my brother go through his old clothes as he was packing up to move out of the house and into his own place. He was going to throw out an old pair of red silky basketball tear-away pants, and my gut instinct told me to grab them and keep them for myself, not yet knowing why. A few days later, I wore them as pajamas...and now I know that taking those pants was the best thing I've ever done for myself. Have you ever slept in a pair of silky basketball tear-away pants? If not, try it. They allow for such fluid effortless movement between the sheets. I have had some restless nights lately but those restless nights have been made so much easier, and almost feel good, when wearing the pants. So much easier that I say bring on the restlessness - because I've got my tear-away pants. My legs glide smoothly around my bed as if floating on top of a silver-lined cloud...let me tell you, this amazing discovery has just catapulted 'sleeping' from my top 5 favorite things to do all the way up to top 3, or even top 2, depending on the day. I love pants - pants pants pants - the silky tear-away basketball kind.

Favorite SNL Skits

2008-12-13T10:39:00.001-05:00

Here are a few of my favorite SNL skits from the 2000's...

Jizz In My Pants (the most recent fave)

United Way (Peyton Manning hosting after the Super Bowl)

Dick In a Box

Chronicles of Narnia (Lazy Sunday)

The CON is moving!

2008-12-12T11:03:00.002-05:00

The College of Nursing building is about to be renovated, so all faculty and staff have to move out for two years while the renovation takes place. You see, the CON is so old and in violation of so many seismic and other building codes that it has to be taken down to the studs and get completely rebuilt. Our last day in the building is today. I will be moving from my own lovely office (shown here) to a very small cubicle (picture TBA because my cube isn't exactly put together yet)...there are some good things about it, though. For instance, our new location will be downtown above the post office, which is really close to the Gateway. I will be sitting by some of my favorite CON peeps, and I also hope to initiate some "cube spirit" among my fellow cubers, like having cube decorating contests for various holidays or playing pranks on the next cube bank over. You know, stuff like that.

Some of the not-so-good stuff about the move is that I had to give up my God parking pass - THE "T" PASS. The T pass is good to park underneath the CON in the Terrace 55 parking area, AND trumps any A, U, or E pass out there anywhere on campus. It also gives the occasional dutch rudder, so you know it's good. I was sad to say goodbye to my treasured pass yesterday and to trade it in for a lowly A pass. Sigh...another thing about this whole move is that we have had to endure some pretty crazy meetings about the moving logistics. There was a building memory-sharing meeting, during which they bubble wrapped the statue of Florence so that she can be moved safely (see right). We even had a cell phone training for faculty and staff. We are being issued cell phones that will replace our office phones while we are located downtown. You would have thought the people in this meeting had never seen a cell phone before, and even worse, had been using a rotary phone for the past decade or so. Questions like "how do I turn it on" or "how do I dial an 800 number on it" where uttered, among many other questions. Whoever said there are no stupid questions had obviously never been to a cell phone training for people who use cell phones ALL THE TIME. I, of course, received the one phone that won't hold a charge, so even if I wanted to use the handy-dandy blue tooth ear piece around the office (insert stupid questions about blue tooth ear pieces here), I would have to do so only at my desk with the phone plugged into the wall. What's the point of using a blue tooth if you can't walk around with it in your ear talking to people and looking important all day long?

Anyway, here are a couple of views from the 5th floor of the CON where my office is currently located for one more day - note the inversion I discussed in my previous blog, not to mention the impending monster snow storm that is about to hit. More to come on the move once I see my cubicle...

Simple Holiday Joys in SLC

2008-12-05T11:04:00.001-05:00

Some of the holiday joys (not all are joyous) in SLC.

10. Temple Square: for the young, old, and those about to propose, this is the perfect place to spend an evening with friends and family. Legend has it that at 8:00 PM each evening during the month of December, dozens, if not hundreds, of men get down on one knee in unison all around the square to propose to their beloved sweethearts of 6 weeks to 3 months. How original and romantic with thousands of people swarming all around you during this special and intimate exchange. If you can manage not to trip on all of these young men on bended knee while you admire the spectacular display of lights, I'm told it is quite a scene to behold.

9. Traffic: ah, traffic in SLC during the holidays increases 500%, or at least it seems like it. It takes twice as long to get anywhere, there are even more people crawling all over the grocery stores (one of my well-known pet peeves) which means longer lines, and there are no parking spots to be found. A bad time for people with moderate to severe road rage and a general loathing for stupid humans, for which I am currently undergoing treatment (kidding...maybe).

8. A Christmas Story - the 24 hours of A Christmas Story on TBS has been a cherished family tradition in our house for many years now. I have recently (almost) gotten over the bitterness that lingered after TBS stopped airing it throughout the month of December so we could enjoy it over an extended period of time. Nonetheless, even though we own the movie and could watch it in its entirety with no commercials any time we wanted, we choose to wait until it airs on TBS for 24 hours straight and watch it over and over...and over, with commercials and all. This movie has such a special place in my heart that I named my beloved Ralphie after the main character.

7. Winter break: I LOVE this time between semesters. The students are gone, faculty are almost all gone, and work is super chill. A great time to work in higher education, I must say. When I taught at Purdue and Iowa State (shout out to my co-instructor, AIRZ), I relished in this time because these were the few precious weeks I didn't have to prep for class!!

6. Beermas: though I am a Beermas virgin, I will be a full participant of this year's festivities and I can't wait. In addition to enjoying beer from 'round the world, this year we will be adding a few new traditions including decorating Marcus' tree with PBR cans, the donning of ugly Christmas sweaters (I just found mine at the DI last night - it is AWESOME), doing a White Elephant gift exchange, and playing Dirty Christmas/Holiday Pictionary (see Marcus attempting to draw a green and red sex toy a few years back).

5. Inversion: for those of you not from around here, the SLC valley enjoys inversions (i.e. smog) during the colder months which get progressively worse as it gets colder outside. Dirty brown air hangs over the valley like a lid, and traps the cold air underneath while the warm air sits on top. Gross. One of two times I dared venture downtown to First Night many years ago, you couldn't even see the fireworks because of the fog/smog. This year the inversion has gotten an early start, so by Christmas it should be a lovely greenish-brown hue. Nothing says Christmas spirit like chunky air.

4. Cold weather clothing: I love sweaters, hoodies, gloves, long socks, scarves, and hats. I'm not a huge cold weather fan, but I do love getting all bundled up. Plus, sweaters hide the extra 10-ish lbs I packed on after living with my parents this summer and haven't yet been able to shed. I know it's 10+ because I just went to the doctor and nearly shit a brick when I saw the scale. No wonder I can't fit into my favorite jeans. Marcus, I will be paying for my first installment of the gym membership when you return from Seattle. I'm withdrawing the cash today. I even bought new sneakers, which means I am now full committed to run at least 3-5 times a week.

3. Food: ok, this puts me in a bind, because I love holiday food and yet need to lose the baby fat. Mashed potatoes, gravy, turkey, stuffing, pie, cookies, chocolate of any kind, holiday drinks, cookies, holiday drinks, and more holiday drinks. How will I resist temptation this year? So far I've not done a very good job of it. They say it's all about portion size...well, that's my first problem. If you saw just my plate, you'd think it belonged to a growing 13 year old boy with all of the food piled on it. Damn it, I need to work on portion control. Maybe this should be a New Year's resolution. But I do love food. Mmmm...food (in Homer J. Simpson's voice).

2. Friends: this is a great time of year because everyone comes home for Christmas and we get to see friends who have moved away. We were just recently graced with B-Dick's presence and he is just as fun as ever, and I can't wait to see Brett and Ann Marie, Big Pag and Cat, Bare Ends and Airz in January, and many others. I wish we could see everyone more often, but since we can't, I'm definitely looking forward to what time we do have together. I have really cool friends who, in turn, help make me look cool.

1. Family: I try not to end my blogs in Debbie Downer mode, but as you can imagine, this year will be a tough one in the Pederson household. In all honestly, I'm trying to focus on the good things about this time of year (see most of the items listed above), but I'm really just looking forward to getting it all over with so we can get some of these 'firsts' out of the way. Thanksgiving down, several more holidays and special occasions to go. But I am excited for Alex to come home for a few weeks, and spending time at home is always good for the soul. I love my fam!!

There are many other things that I love about the holidays (for example, at least two local radio stations dedicate themselves to playing holiday music 100% of the time starting around Thanksgiving time through the new year), but this blog hits most of the highs (and lows) of the season for me.

Current Obsessions

2008-11-28T08:37:00.003-05:00

1. NyQuil
2. DayQuil
3. Cough drops
4. Kleenex
5. Wondering how this cold keeps evolving after 3 consecutive weeks
6. Sleeping...a lot

Things That Must Go

2008-11-19T17:16:00.018-05:00

I'm borrowing this particular blog idea "Things That Must Go" from my good friend J-Ro, along with my fave radio station personalities at X96 Radio from Hell. I'm in a really punchy mood right now and feel the need to vent about a disturbing and extremely annoying trend I'm seeing more and more out on the road. What the FU*% is up with the people who insist on representing each member of their family, including but not limited to extended family, pets, and hobbies, on the back of the car with those cheesy little decal stickers?? As I was searching for a good picture to illustrate my point, I actually came up with several websites dedicated to these things. I always wondered where the hell these things were coming from. So, apparently people can actually go to these websites, punch in their family tree, and pop out a cute lil' sticker family to share with the world. For WHAT purpose?!? The only valuable piece of information it's providing to me as a driver is exactly who I'll be rear-ending with my car in rage. I just hope that when I plow into the back of each guilty minivan I'll take out the surf board and baseball bat, too. To make matters worse, people are starting to get even more "creative" with these stickers. For example, I was behind a car today with four penguins static clinging to the rear window...two bigger penguins, presumably representing Ma and Pa Penguin, and then two smaller penguins: Junior and Sissy Penguin. I became angry when I saw this...so the stick people aren't good enough representations of our families anymore. Now we need to overextend our identities onto other species. I wonder what kind of animal I would choose to represent my future brood...maybe a rhino, or perhaps a frog of some kind. Or, maybe I'll use a mythical creature, like hobbits or elves. The possibilities are endless, really. Regardless, this overt display of apparent pride for your clans on your vans MUST GO.

Random Thoughts

2008-11-18T09:12:00.001-05:00

1. The Twain ladies are coming to visit me January 1-5! I cannot wait to have them meet my friends and show them around the great SLC.
2. I just finished the entire Twilight series. Loved it. Can't wait for the movie.
3. I have a tendency to fall for emotionally unavailable men.
4. I am considering moving to Minneapolis, MN someday.
5. F#$@ BYU.
6. I love weddings - they are unbelievably romantic.
7. ABBA Gold is a great pick-me-up album.
8. I wonder how painful it would be to get my armpits waxed.
9. I crave bubble tea a little too much.
10. F#$@ salt.

Best Week Ever!

2008-11-07T11:50:00.000-05:00

This has been an amazing week...

YES WE CAN!!

Tuesday, November 4: I proudly wore my red "I Voted" sticker after voting around 11:00 that morning. Optimism glittered in my eyes; I was giddy with excitement all day. Marcus kindly hosted a wine and cheese party that evening, and many of my good friends gathered together to witness this very historic event take place. We were finally able to celebrate hope once again. Despite a few major downers (Prop 8 passed, for one), it will be a night I won't soon forget. Barack Obama was elected President! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!

YES WE CAN!! Part II

Thursday, November 6: The Utah/TCU game was another close game...too close...but of course we pulled it off in the end. What an amazing season this has been for the Utes. Those season tickets have paid for themselves ten times over. I like to believe that Obama was watching over us last night, and beneath the soft glow of his glory, we won. I only wish the soft glow was also emitting waves of heat, because damn, it was cold. YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!

Michael Earl Pederson 1955-2008

2008-10-16T16:36:00.006-04:00

Michael Earl Pederson, age 53, passed away unexpectedly on October 15, 2008.

He was born July 7, 1955 in Fargo, North Dakota, to Earl and Norma Pederson. He graduated from Moorhead High School and later Moorhead Area Vocational Technical School.

Mike joined the United States Army in 1973 and served as an infantry medic in Germany until 1976 when he was honorably discharged from active duty. After returning home Mike married Wendy Rae Mueller on June 17, 1978 in Ada, Minnesota. Together they had a daughter and two sons. Mike was extremely proud of his 3 children. He was an avid collector and enjoyed watching sports and Western movies. He worked for Hussmann Corporation as a Field Service Engineer; his job took him all over the United States and world. He was a member of RSES, Electronic Technicians Assoc, and American Veterans Assoc.

He was quite the talker, so from the parking attendants at the airport to the next door neighbors – everyone knew and liked Mike. He was the type of person who was the first to offer a helping hand without question. Mike will be greatly missed but never forgotten by his family, friends and colleagues.

He is survived by his wife Wendy; daughter Melissa; sons Andrew and Alex of West Jordan, UT; parents Earl and Norma of Hawley, MN; brother Jim of Fargo, ND; sister Carol (Gerry) of Fargo, ND; and in-laws Harold and Shirley Mueller of West Fargo, ND.

Funeral services will be held at Fargo Baptist Church in Fargo, North Dakota, on Wednesday, October 23^rd 2008 at 11 AM. Family visitation will be held at Hanson-Runsvold Funeral Home on Tuesday, October 22^nd 2008 from 5-7 PM with a prayer service at 7 PM.

Dad, I am thankful I got to spend time with you before this tragedy occurred. I believe we had come to an understanding and I although I never agreed with what you did, I had made peace with the choices you had made in the past and continued to make. I know that you were trying to get better in your own way, one step at a time. Despite it all, I thank you for everything you did for me. I love you and will miss you.

Twilight

2008-10-14T12:01:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I know I'm a little late to jump on the Twilight train, but now that I have, I can't jump off...and I don't want to. I'm obsessed. I'm more than halfway through the third book, and I started reading the series like a week ago. And, the movie based on the first book is premiering November 21st. Does anyone want to go see it with me? And is it so wrong that I now wish that I could find my own vampire/love of my life? Sigh...

That's What She Said

2008-10-09T17:35:00.005-04:00

So, I'm at work and just left a message for the records person at the Graduate School. In my voice mail, I said the word "straddle" as in, "she took her exam during the week that straddles spring and summer semester." Why I said straddle, I don't know. It's not a word I commonly use. I didn't realize how awful that probably sounded until after I got off the phone and then it hit me - I just said "straddle" to the Graduate School personnel. It's out there. I can't take it back. It's recorded, with my voice...saying "straddle"...WTF.

When Pumpkins Drink...

2008-10-08T10:10:00.004-04:00

Normally I don't care for email forwards, but when I saw this it actually made me laugh out loud. Carving pumpkins isn't just for kids anymore...

I Need a Cold Shower

2008-10-02T11:28:00.008-04:00

Oh, wait...I almost forgot. I already took a cold shower this morning because there was no hot water to be had at my apartment. I guess if you want to get technical, I didn't really shower in the cold water. I just kind of "splashed" it around and used a cold wet washcloth until I couldn't stand it anymore. Needless to say, I'm not feeling so fresh today at work. Don't get me wrong. I really do love my new place for so many reasons. It's close to the U, TRAX, and Cafe Rio. It's an old house turned 6-plex so it has a lot of charm and character. It's super cute and I love the neighborhood. But charm and character won't get me hot water. Nor will it get me extra space, efficient heating and cooling, screens on my windows so I could leave one open once in awhile, a garbage disposal or noise reduction. Lastly, my landlord is the most unresponsive person I've ever interacted with (or not, since she won't return your emails or calls). I went months with a broken kitchen light, and apparently the rest of the tenants have been fighting to get the supposed "free wi-fi" included with rent for...well, probably forever. I honestly believe the only reason she can actually get away with as much as she does is the location of her properties. Yes, that's right folks. She owns MULTIPLE properties. Everyone wants to live in this area, and from what I know she never has trouble finding people to rent, despite her horrible reputation...thus the cycle continues. And I'm one of the many allowing it to happen so I can benefit from the great location and cheap rent. I make myself sick...

In other news, David Cook has a new single out. I'm toying with the idea of really digging it, although I'm not 100% convinced yet. I have a feeling we won't know the real DC until he's freed himself from the clutches of the American Idol powers that be. Lil' Davie's single is catchy, and they play it nonstop here in SLC. And Kristy Lee Crap's new single entitled "15 Minutes of Shame" is somehow appropriate. Thank goodness I'm not a huge country fan so I shouldn't have to subject my ears to that one anytime soon.

The Office was fantastic last week. I know I wasn't the only one who screamed, long and hard (that's what she said), when Jim popped the question to Pam. FINALLY!!!!!!!! Everyone else was delightful to watch, as well. It's good to see everyone again. My Office calendar features Stanley this month. The theme is Fortitude, and the quote: "I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little, but on pretzel day...well, I like pretzel day."

May you all have a pretzel day today.

I Can Break These Cuffs

2008-09-24T20:50:00.003-04:00

Ok, I know I'm probably going to go to hell for this, but I cannot stop laughing about what I'm about to show you. Before you see what I'm actually talking about, you have to view the back story on YouTube. I'd like to point out that I did NOT know he was a little person until I actually saw the full video just before I decided to post. Clearly someone out there has a lot of time on their hands. Ok, now THIS is why I've been laughing all day. Note the cuffs drawn on the dancer's hands and how easily they "break" despite the cop's certainty he can't break 'em. Wow...thanks to Marcus' cousin for sharing this little gem.

Enjoy!

P.S. THE OFFICE STARTS TOMORROW!!
http://www.serenitybyjancandles.com/

I Need to Move Out

2008-07-31T15:57:00.019-04:00

So, my parents' house has become somewhat cramped as of late. With my shit still packed neatly in the family room downstairs, and my brother recently moving back home and having to pack all of his shit in the basement, too, it's just really tight quarters. Not to mention the fact that some of us have different ideas of what it means to be clean, respectful, and live peacefully with others. Let me provide some recent examples to help illustrate my point.

Last night around 1 a.m. I woke up to Ralphie literally sitting on my head, growling at nothing in the dark. After a few minutes of trying to calm him down, I decided to get up and investigate what had gotten him all riled up. Lo and behold, my brother was in the kitchen helping himself to one of my Lean Cuisine lunches. I can forgive him for eating it because whatever, it's one Lean Cuisine, but did he ask if he could have one? No. Did he purchase the meal himself? No. Did he admit that he has helped himself to my Lean Cuisines more than once before? Yes. Was I pissed off? Absolutely. I had just made a special trip to the classy Smiths on 106th because they were having a special on Lean Cuisines, where I purchased like 13 meals FOR ME...FOR WORK. I did not intend for them to be his midnight snack "once in awhile" (i.e. every other day).

Ok, so fast forward to this morning. I'm just minding my own business, following my usual routine. I go downstairs to get in the shower and get ready for work. I turn the bathroom light on, and there are clothes and towels strewn about. My towel I had been using was hanging on the shower curtain rod instead of the door hook where I had put it the day before, indicating that it had been used by someone else other than myself. Who the hell would use someone else's dirty towel, I wondered. Then, I look over at the sink. I see the toothpaste is laying near the toothpaste holder, but not ON the toothpaste holder where I left it last night. My eyes shift upward, taking note that there is still only ONE toothbrush in this bathroom. Logic tells me that someone else besides myself had taken liberties with MY toothbrush. I have actually suspected this has happened before, only because since my brother moved in like three weeks ago, I have yet to see him use any of his own toiletries. He doesn't have a toothbrush downstairs, nor shampoo, conditioner or any other man products. Yet he uses that bathroom regularly, which means he's already been using my shampoo, conditioner, body wash, etc. Anyway, after I picked my jaw up off the floor, I picked MY toothbrush up and threw it directly in the trash. Next I took some of those antibacterial wipes and started cleaning up the beard hairs my brother left all over the sink and counter top because he trimmed his Grizzly Adams and didn't clean it up. Then I put all of his clothes and towels into one pile, grabbed a clean towel out of the neatly-folded stack (why he didn't use on of those towels in the first place I don't understand) and attempted to shower away my frustrations that had been collecting since the wee hours of the morning. AM I TAKING CRAZY PILLS? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? I guess the most maddening part to this story is that he literally sleeps less than 2 feet away from the downstairs pantry, in which multiple brand new toothbrushes from Costco are stored, just waiting for someone to use. From now on I guess I'm going dorm-style living, meaning I'm putting all of my stuff in a freaking bin and hauling it up and down the stairs every day until he takes a hint and buys his own stuff. Which will never happen, which is why I need to move out. ASAP.

He's Just Not That Into You

2008-07-10T10:23:00.005-04:00

I'm so excited for this movie to come out, not only because I loved the book, but also because it is loosely (or not-so-loosely) based on my own personal life story. Check it out.

PTSD Be Gone

2008-06-26T08:36:00.003-04:00

So last night I attended an after-work function. It was a going away party for one of our PhD students who is going to do research abroad for a year. It was a lot of fun and I stayed way longer than I initially intended. As I was driving home I got to thinking...that is the first work party in so long during which I haven't felt the following: anger, awkwardness, hate, embarrassment, despondence, discomfort, annoyance, or just a general "WTF am I doing here" kind of thing. I also realized I wasn't trying to find an excuse to leave as soon as I walked in the door. And this is one of many reasons why I love my new job.

As you read this, you might be wondering why staff parties have evoked such strong feelings (and dare I suggest...PTSD??). Well, let's see...there was the yearly USP Christmas party, during which we all were forced to not only dine together and engage in completely awkward conversation, but then afterwards we were expected/forced to participate in an agonizingly long White Elephant gift exchange, and then gather 'round the piano and sing Christmas songs (baby Jesus and all, at a WORK party) together while my boss sat on her husband's lap and fondled him all night long (no, she wasn't drunk). And let's not forget the summer parties at the Webers' - we all sat 'round the pool and awkwardly watched Mr. Weber himself splash around in his very tiny hip-hugging bathing suit. He was the only one who actually dared to swim at the "pool party" but looking back, that was a blessing in disguise on so many levels (if you are reading this, Jim & MB, you know EXACTLY what I mean). And don't even get me started on the 8th floor "carry-ins" - I still shudder when I think of what was in some of those casserole dishes...I think the worst part of these parties was that we were expected to attend each and every one (and there were many), and if we didn't, we were passive aggressively reprimanded for it, so it was just easier to attend and endure the pain so that you didn't have to pay for it later. Frequent forced interaction among co-workers is probably one of the easiest ways to shatter any remaining slivers of morale in the office, and my boss was good, nay, GREAT, at it. And that, my friends, is a taste of why I couldn't stand the thought of attending a work party, until now. :)

Unmountable Boot Volume = You are F'd

2008-06-23T19:05:00.001-04:00

Unmountable boot volume refers to the scary blue screen my laptop displayed Tuesday evening...imagine my surprise as I settled in for a nice evening of internet surfing and House Hunters on HGTV when this blue screen started popping up, right before my computer restarted over and over...and over. It would only flash for a second or two before restarting, so I had to take a picture just to see what it said. After taking the picture, I realized...why the hell did I do that, because I still had no idea what to do, so the next thing that came to my mind was - GEEK SQUAD. So, I packed up my computer and hurried over to Best Buy. I was greeted by a member of the GS who was actually really nice (and missing a front tooth), and after seeing the scary blue screen for a split second, he said, "Ohhh, it says unmountable boot volume. That's probably your hard drive." I was like, WTF, how did he do that in less than 1 second...and right then and there I decided the man I marry must have a streak of computer geek in him (but must also have all teeth in tact). Anyway, he then proceeded to perform several tests on my computer, for free, to determine what was going on. Two and a half hours later and several laps around Best Buy's lovely selection of home appliances, DVD selection, and digital cameras, he was able to confirm that my hard drive was dead, and that I was going to need to purchase a new one for a mere $117. He installed it for free, and said that if I can find my restore CD, I can re-install my operating system myself. If I can't find my CD, I'm going to have to pay another $125 to have it re-installed. How convenient that my restore CD, if I still have it, is probably packed in 1 of 48 other boxes in my parents' basement right now, and since I didn't' exactly label the box in which they are packed "restore CD", it could be ANYWHERE. Sadly, what it boils down to is that I'm without my laptop for many moons until I either move or gather enough courage to go through each box until I find them. In fact, I'm having to type this very blog on my mom's laptop which has Vista as it's OS...*shudder* Now I really get all of those Mac vs. PC commercials. MUST...FIND...RESTORE CD...

Ralphie's Big Day

2008-06-02T18:19:00.001-04:00

Ralphie went into the pool for the first time this weekend. I have to say, as much as I want to get rid of the little guy most of the time, it was pretty dang cute. First, he had to gauge the situation.
Next, he needed a little coaxing...but once he was in, he loved it.
He looked so funny because the top was dry, but the bottom was wet, revealing his bizarre little stick legs.

The Itchy & Scratchy Show

2008-05-30T08:29:00.002-04:00

Why is it that I've now worked with at least two people in my lifetime who believe it's perfectly normal to lift up their shirts to expose their midriff area, at work, to do some serious belly scratching while having a conversation with me? I don't mean just a quick little inconspicuous itch, either...I'm talking some serious full-on body scratching, with both hands allowing the shirt to inch up, exposing the belly flesh - while continuing to talk as if nothing completely bizarre is taking place. It takes all of my strength not to stop, stare and give a look of complete and utter horrifying disgust. I'm no perfect prize, but what the hell is wrong with these people?! Is this a normal occurrence or have I just been had by yet another case of Melissa Luck? Will I continue to be cursed with belly-scratching co-workers for the rest of my adult life?

Obsessions

2008-05-22T12:56:00.001-04:00

Apparently I'm not as diligent about writing a blog as I thought I would be...to be fair, living with the parents doesn't exactly allow me a ton of "alone" time during which I can sit and think of delightfully bitter things to say about my life. Nonetheless, much has happened since I last wrote, but for now I'll just provide a quick and dirty list of things I'm currently obsessing over:

American Idol - last night was bittersweet only because the season is now over. David Cook is an amazing talent and I can't wait to follow his career (not to mention the fact that the man can pull off a mean beard, which means his legs are hairy, too (see Guitar Hero commercial for confirmation). Talk about sexy! More importantly, how hot was Michael Johns in the suit singing with Carly? And was anyone else totally creeped out by David Hernandez humping the air during every group performance?

Nordstrom Rack - I think I have a serious problem. I'm addicted to Nordstrom Rack. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't been able to really shop in over 2 years (the last time I really shopped was with Leah at the Mall of America - she pulled a hammy from too much shopping); thus, my extended deprivation has turned into a burning fever, and the only cure is more Nordstrom Rack. A lot of times I don't even buy anything. I just love to wander around aimlessly, surrounded in the soft and sexy glow of name brand bargains, steals, and deals. But then there is the small problem that sometimes I do buy something, or multiple somethings...just last week I scored a pair of strappy silver heels 65% off the already smashing Nordi-Rack good deal, which will go perfectly with the new purple knit summer dress, silver necklaces, and 2 other dresses that I sorta maybe purchased. Heh...

Buying a house - ok, this obsession is in the beginning stages, but I can sense this one will grow into a doozy very soon. I've officially decided that instead of forking out major dough to rent in the Sugar House area, I'm going to buy a house in Sugar House and fork out major dough to...my mortgage...instead. There is a slight issue - I have no savings after moving back to Utah. Therefore, I am choosing (yes, it pains me and I'm never going to get laid again, but I'm choosing this choice) to stay at my parents' house indefinitely until I have a smallish down payment to buy something decent. God willing, this won't take long, but I am pretty sure will be living in WeJo longer than I had originally planned (I had hoped to be out by the end of the summer at the latest). In the long run I know it will be worth it...right? RIGHT?!?

LOST - one more episode to go in this absolutely amazing season. This show rocks my world. Doc Jensen's recaps keep me from becoming utterly too confused to breathe, which I appreciate because I really want to see this thing through to the end, and I always love to discuss theories with the ladies after watching each episode and while picking up the pieces of my brain, which are inevitably scattered about the living room after being happily blown to bits by Locke, Sawyer, Jack, and the rest of the gang. I can't wait for the finale next week!!

Cookie fan for life, OUT.

I'm addicted to crack...

2008-04-27T21:28:00.000-04:00

Ok, not really, but as I started writing this edition of MelissaLuck, I realized that the central theme is my addictive nature toward all things I am into at the moment; thus the crack reference. More on that later. Bottom line is that I'm back after a 3 1/2 week hiatus. My big plans to recap the last 2 miserable years of my life flopped soon after I realized how much time it would actually take to wrap up at my old job, pack, move across the country, unpack, and start a new job. At this point I'll spare you the details, but to sum it up, it was pure hell, and when I go to hell someday, I will have to relive the last 2 years over and over...and over. But until then, I can stay away from that bad, dark place.

Now that I'm somewhat settled in here at home, I hope to be better about keeping up with this thing. Here is a brief list of some of the things rumbling around in the ol' noggin as of late:

1. I wish I had a man to hold me the way Michael Johns is holding this microphone...*sigh*. I mean look at him. He's like crack for my loins. What a travesty that he got voted off WAY too early. HELLO...before KRISTY Lee Crap, before needs-a-Valium Brooke, before Sayesha Mercrappo, before high-as-a-kite puffin' on the magic dragon Jason Castro?! Yes, I'm still talking about this, and it's been 3 weeks since he got voted off. But I'm still mourning the loss, ok? I have to keep telling myself that he will get a record deal regardless of his early departure because he, unlike some others still on the show, is not a no-talent ass clown. He'll do just fine. How sexy was his rendition of It's All Wrong, But It's All Right by Dolly P...Oh, wow. I need to feel the weight of a man.

2. David Cook is so hot right now. David Cook. Mama likes the haircut, and the facial hair seriously gets me every damn time. It's like crack for my eyeballs. I know he's Airz' man, but I'm just saying that I'm seriously digging his rocker style right now. YUM.

3. I still love Cafe Rio just as much as I did when I left 4 years ago. It's like crack for my soul.

4. Michael Johns.

5. LOST and The Office are back and better than ever. Did anyone else love last week's Office as much as I did? The dinner party ep was so classic. And it's too late for me to get started with LOST, because it will get me all excited and this granny needs her sleep like an addict needs...well, you know. Michael Johns.

Job One: The REAL F'ing Story

2008-04-02T07:56:00.002-04:00

My friends and I read, or more likely skimmed, this book in grad school entitled "Job One" - it's basically a collection of short stories written by real student affairs professionals about their experiences during their first higher ed jobs. It's supposed to teach you a little bit about what your first job will be like - the ups and downs, if you will. Well, after actually experiencing "Job One" on my own, I can now say that that book was full of shit and in no way remotely came close to describing the harrowing experiences I had during my first job. We keep claiming we are one day going to put together a collection of our own short stories and write "Job One: The REAL F'ing Story" - I guarantee it would be a best seller among higher education graduate programs, or if not the programs themselves, then those higher ed students who want the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And the truth shall set you free.
I envision my opening paragraph to go a little something like this: I was so innocent...so naive when I first started at Purdue. Here I am, taking a tour of Ross-Ade Stadium in July '06 - just a month and a half after I started. You can see I still have some hope in that smile, a sparkle in my eyes, and a bounce in my step. I can also detect hints of a soul in there, still clean and bright and new.

Little did I know that would all change so very, very soon. That I would wake up face down in a gutter night after night, writhing in the pain and anguish I'd experienced earlier each day. That I would black out for hours at a time, waking up only to find myself curled in the fetal position under my desk clutching the garbage can for support. That I would experience, for the first time in my life, night terrors so horrifying that I cannot bring myself to speak of them here. That my soul would become darkened, hollow, and eventually, disappear altogether...this is the E! True Student Affairs Story of a new professional's experiences during her first job.

Hot Off the Press...

2008-03-31T14:55:00.000-04:00

I just accepted the Nursing PhD Program Administrator position at the University of Utah on Friday! I will be moving back to Utah in about 2 weeks, and start my new job on April 21st. This job is going to be amazing and I cannot wait to get started! I also can't wait to hang w/ my Utah peeps once again. It will be glorious.

Even though most of the time I despise living in Indiana with a deep fiery passion, there will be some things I will actually miss about this place...

The friends I've made here (though few in numbers, you know who you are)
My fabulous students
Teaching the Explorers Learning Community
Being able to say I work at Purdue University (c'mon, it does sound pretty cool)
Qdoba & Moe's burritos
The underground tunnels on campus when it's crappy weather outside
Big Ten football games
Windows on the Levee (they have this great Pineapple Upside Down martini)
Being able to watch LOST and/or AI at the same time as Airz, Bare Ends, Petersquan, and Wilcox so that we can discuss during commercials - now you bizos will have an hour on me
Fireflies in the summer
Starbucks in the Union

Tune in over the next few weeks as I randomly "reflect" on my Hoosier state experience - it will kind of be like an emotionally cleansing colonic for my weary and fragile soul.

Douchebaggery

2008-03-24T20:57:00.005-04:00

I am a self-proclaimed man hater. No, I'm not a lesbian (contrary to some supposed rumor mills circulating back in WeJo b/c I'm not yet married). I am just so damn tired of all of the douchebaggery that men get away with because they are "men"...I was actually really annoyed when I saw this as a headline on the Yahoo 'Featured' section today. Big woop - thanks for reminding us that men are assholes. I know that I, along with probably every other woman out there, could write a book about how many times we've been screwed over. I have nicknames for all of mine depending on the way in which we parted: there's Douche, Unstable Douche, etc. Thankfully I do actually have some friends who ended up with really sweet guys, so that brings me some comfort. I said SOME. Don't get me wrong. I would like to meet someone, fall in love, get married, yada yada woo woo...I used to think I'd be married by the age of 25. Three years later, I look back at how naive I once was and laugh. Now I realize I'll be lucky to meet someone by the age of 35. But hey, the 30's are the new 20's, am I right? You can't ever know how many douchebags you'll have to go through in order to meet your non-douche - who, according to Yahoo, now has legitimate reasons for cheating even though he's "normally" faithful. On second thought, f*** it, I'm becoming a nun.

Things to Consider Before Adopting a Puppy

2008-03-23T18:35:00.000-04:00

You should get a puppy if:

You are single and live far away from any family or friends, so you won't be bothered with having anybody around to help out with the puppy.
You like just standing outside a lot, whether it's pouring rain, sub-zero temps, or 2:36 a.m.
You don't like sleeping in, EVER...oh, and you despise taking naps, too.
You enjoy entertaining others for hours on end without being able to attend to your own needs, wants, and desires.
You like to buy books or magazines but don't like to enjoy reading them without having the pages chewed or stepped on while you attempt to read (see bullet point 4).
You love having your patience tested daily...or hourly...ok, every 15 minutes.
You could care less if you have socks, underwear, or rugs without holes.
You don't like having the freedom to do what you want, when you want.
You own a queen-size bed but only like to sleep on the very edge so that your 10 lb puppy can sprawl out and rest soundly next to you.
You have the capability of growing eyes in the back of your head so the puppy can be supervised at all times.
You want to go home to let your puppy out during your lunch break and directly after work - socializing at happy hour is for losers, anyway.
You adhere to the "open door policy" when using the bathroom or taking a shower.
You have agreed to endure all of the above and then some, and STILL love your puppy at the end of the day. :)

Where's the Novocaine When You Need It?

2008-03-19T08:20:00.001-04:00

I'm feeling pretty uninspired this week; thus the lack of blogging. American Idol didn't give me much to discuss, either. It was a rough night for pretty much everyone (except Carly, who was amazing despite Simon's off-base criticisms), and needless to say, they should not have extended the Beatles theme for a second week. Don't get me wrong. I love the Beatles, but let's be honest...can anyone actually do these songs true justice? I'm looking forward to a theme change for next week to restore this group of "broken birds" back to health.

On another note, have you ever had to work in a place that is undergoing major construction? If not, I hope you never have to endure this, because it really sucks. My office is located on the 8th floor of an old residence hall, and currently the 9th and 10th floors are undergoing major renovations to create more office space for the President's peeps. A few weeks ago it was nothing but jackhammering and sledgehammering literally right above my head all...day...long. Try having a serious conversation with a student while it sounds like the ceiling is about to cave in at any moment...not cool. They actually had to bring in a decibel monitor to make sure we weren't enduring noise too loud for our safety. Lucky for us, it was at a mere 85-86 decibels, which with extended exposure, can cause hearing loss. Sweet. Now it sounds more like a large drill that makes a constant high-pitched rumbling noise, and is very reminiscent of the dentist's office, except much louder, and the hole is slowly being drilled into my soul as opposed to my tooth, minus the Novocaine to numb the pain.

Yes, I'm bitter. Now I'm off to go find some Novocaine for the uninspired soul...

Barbie's Come a Long Way

2008-03-18T09:28:00.001-04:00

I saw this commercial last night and about s*** my pants from laughing so hard. I think you'll figure out why...

I'm speechless...peeing puppies?!

My Big Evening

2008-03-14T15:14:00.000-04:00

It's Spring Break here in WL, and it is simply glorious. This town transforms when the students are away - us townies regain control over the entire place and relish in the simplicity of it all. There is no traffic, no lines at the grocery store or my favorite restaurants, and Wal-Mart's parking lot is only 3/4 full. Because it's so quiet around here, I took Ralphie for a really long walk around Purdue's campus yesterday evening. He loved it! At one point we were walking down one of the side streets lined with Greek houses, rental houses and apartments, and other small random buildings. He decided that he needed to give one particular area a really good sniff, so I let him nose around for a minute...until I realized he was trying to eat dried up puke left by some classy Purdue student!! It was disgusting, although I shouldn't have been surprised. This is the same dog who likes to try to eat his own poo every chance he gets. Ah, the life of a puppy...

To round out my fuller-than-normal evening, LOST was on last night. Aside from American Idol (and The Office which returns APRIL 10TH; it's on my calendar), LOST is my other must-watch program on network TV. I am ob-SESS-ed. I loved last night's episode but again think that it was another building block leading up to a truly mind-blowing event later in the season. That's what I love about LOST - if you are patient, which is the sacrifice the island demands of its fans, you will reap major rewards. If you are a fair-weather fan, you simply cannot appreciate the beauty, intricacy, and pure genius that is LOST. As Locke once famously proclaimed, "I've looked into the eye of the island, and what I saw...was beautiful."
How right you are, John Locke. How right you are.

P.S. I don't think Jin is really dead. I think he's still on the island, waiting to reunite with Sun.

American Idol Musings

2008-03-13T19:13:00.000-04:00

I am in LOVE with Michael Johns. I'm serious. He is SO SEXY. Ok...I know he's married, but all I'm saying is that I would have babies with this man. LOTS of babies. And those of you who know me well know I'm a serious baby hater, so that's saying something. And let me just say that I've been annoyed with some of the accusations that my future husband sweats too much on stage. First, sweating shows he's a manly man. Second, as "Ursula" commented on Michael Slezak's column on ew.com, "Michael sweats because his body can't handle its own hotness." Amen, sister!! He can sweat on me any damn time.

Moving on to my not-so-favorite contestants...I'm completely convinced that Ramiele is secretly an aspiring porn star. I'm sorry, but have you seen the way this girl forms her vowels when she sings?! It doesn't take much imagination to know what I'm talking about. Not to mention her plump (enhanced?) lips smeared with lip gloss so shiny that I actually felt some of the reflective rays of light pierce my retina. As I watch her sing, I feel myself getting all nervous and shifty-eyed, like I'm watching something I shouldn't be and I start praying that my mom doesn't walk in and catch me.

Let's just put this out there. Kristy Lee CRAP has got to go. I've already referred to her horrendous performance this week in a previous blog, but how irritating was her "innocent cowgirl" outfit last night? The pink and white ruffles, the low rider jeans allowing just a hint of skin to peak through above the ginormous belt buckle...we get it, already. You are a small town country gal, innocent and pure. Right...you're innocent, just like David H. used to work at a "pizza bistro"...

To be fair, even though Kristy should have been voted off first, I was excited to see David H. get the boot this week. Were my friends and I the only ones who noticed his multiple 'shocker' flashings, both in photos highlighted in his interview, and also right before he started to sing? What about the stripperesque movements on stage throughout the competition thus far? And don't get me started on his lackluster performance last night. He knew he was a goner before the results were finally bestowed upon us after having to sit through 57 minutes of filler material. Even though he already knew, I honestly thought he was going to go ape shit on Seacrest when he finally delivered the bad news. You watch, our boy David is going to blame it on all of the bad press he's received lately, and completely disregard the fact that he's just NOT GOOD.

No one else has really struck me to either complain about or to lust after right now, but lest I leave anyone out, here is a brief synopsis on the rest of the Idols.

I dig Carly and Brooke
Jason Castro has nice eyelashes but looks like he has smoked one too many doobs
Lil' Dave messed up this week but he'll recover - he is the Chosen One
Chikezie was surprisingly entertaining this week
Amanda frightens/intrigues me
David Cook is rocker hot
Syesha...who?

Things That Made Me Say "WTF" Yesterday

2008-03-12T09:07:00.001-04:00

The price of gas in West Lafayette, IN. I pass two gas stations on my way to work each day and I was so appalled, I actually had to stop and take pictures...

American Idol Top 12 contestant Kristy Lee Cook's horrid country spin on a classic Beatles' song. My ears are still bleeding...
How did this person create a snapshot of my life so scarily accurate without ever having met me?

At the risk of committing the cardinal blogging sin, blog diarrhea (thanks to Marcus for alerting me to this rapidly growing problem among bloggers nationwide), that's all for now!

Who Would You Rather Do?

2008-03-11T07:32:00.039-04:00

We've all played the game. You provide your friends with a couple of names, either celebrities or mutual friends (or enemies), and they have to decide which one they'd rather do. Oftentimes the stakes are high - in many instances you have to put your reputation and dignity on the line, and risk being taunted for days to come based on your choices.

In college, my friends and I played a version of this that involved three names, and three intricate scenarios. In the first, you had to have hot steamy sex all night long, and then you could never see the person again. In the second, you had to point a gun at the person and pull the trigger. In the third, you had to live on a deserted island with the person for the rest of your life. Of course, the scenarios were never this simple. We would elaborate and make them so specific in order to try to make the decisions that much more difficult. Like, for the deserted island - it wasn't just two people living side-by-side on a deserted island. Instead, both of you were living on the island naked, but each of you were encased in large separated bubble forcefield things so that you could never actually touch each other...you get the idea. Oftentimes you had to justify your decisions in order to maintain some level of respect among your peers. One round of this game could take hours...even days, if the combination of names were just so that it made the decision agonizingly difficult.

Anyway, the reason I'm thinking about this is because the other night, during a heated debate post LOST Episode 6, the age-old question arose again. This time, the stakes were big, and emotions were running high. Who would you rather do...Patchy or Ben?

Now, for those of you who are LOST fans, you know both of these characters well. Patchy, the one-eyed Other who has managed to somehow survive through the unthinkable: massive electric shock followed by a seizure, a harpoon through the chest, a grenade explosion, and well, losing an eye at some point during his life. And then there's Ben, the Other with a thousand passports, who has mind-f'd pretty much everyone on the island at some point or another. When posed with this vexing problem, I had to go with my gut instinct and say Patchy over Ben. And here's why...

1. He's a manly man. Not only can he grow some mean facial hair, but he probably has hairy legs, too. Ben, on the other hand, is reminiscent of a hunchy brooding man I once knew in a former life (Airz, you know who I'm talking about) who has really freaky bug eyes. When it comes down to it, I'd rather do it with a real man who has one good eye as opposed to two really scary ones...always judging, watching...
2. He's kind of a bad ass. Who else can say they've survived all the near-death experiences he has and still live to tell about it? Sure, it wasn't his sexiest moment with the foam was coming out of his mouth and his ears were bleeding while being electrocuted, but he cleaned up ok, didn't he? Ben, on the other hand, sends his minions to do his bidding for him. What a pansy. I believe Patchy is able to channel the healing powers of the island, much like our man Locke, which is why he's able to keep coming back to life. Which again, makes him a bad ass.
3. Patchy's been around for awhile. He's not originally from the island, judging by his accent and sheer bad assness. Let's be honest - he probably has some good moves I'd like to learn and he'd like to teach me. I'm going to put money down that Ben is still a member of the V-club, considering he's so hell bent on making sure no one else on the island does the deed. Plus, no one acts that crazy unless they have some serious pent-up energy, if you know what I'm saying.

And that's how you play the game. You make a choice, and then justify your response with sound reasoning and logic. When posed with the question, Patchy vs. Ben, I will choose Patchy 100% of the time. Here is another question I've been pondering related to LOST: who would you rather get stranded with on the island? The jury is still out on this one for me personally.

And these are the burning issues in my life...

10 Random Things I'm Into Right Now

2008-03-10T15:02:00.017-04:00

1. Lately I just can't get enough of Life Cereal. I'm beginning to wonder if Dateline should do some sort of exclusive undercover investigation to find out whether it is actually laced with crack or if it's all in my head. Plus, who knew Life had its own website?! "Making Your Best Days Happen" - amen to that!
2. The Bravo Channel - watching channel 55 is like curling up on the couch in a warm blanket with a cup of hot coco during a blizzard. It just feels so good. Every show is addicting: Project Runway, The Millionaire Matchmaker, Real Housewives of OC/NYC, Top Chef, and in a pinch, Make Me a Supermodel will even suffice despite the sub par hosting job by Niki Taylor. Our once easy breezy Cover Girl has turned into a painfully awkward and mechanical robo-model...
3. The color green. I don't know why. I just really like it right now.
4. Ralphie. He graduated from Puppy Class at PetSmart this weekend, and he turned 5 months old! My baby's all done gone growed up.

5. I love my Wellies. I wear them every time I take Ralphie out. Now that the snow is melting here, it will continue to be soggy for days, and then it will start raining until about the end of May. So, my Wellies are here to stay. I highly recommend them!
6. The Obama vs. Clinton saga...
7. I'm a huge fan of writers Michael Slezak (American Idol) and Jeff "Doc" Jensen (LOST) on ew.com. Between Michael's quick wit and keen observations, Doc's mind-blowing theories, and the plethora of hilarious fan commentary, they keep me going back week after week. Thank you, Mike and Doc, for helping me waste the morning hours away when I should be working.
8. Jimmy Johns - #6 no mayo, no avo. PERFECTO.
9. Organization (or some might also call it boredom). I'm really into eliminating clutter right now, too.
10. Morning Spark. Ever heard of it? It's this powdery drink mix you add to your water, kinda like Kool-Aid, only for tired soulless adults such as myself. It's loaded with 200% Vitamin C, but that's not why I drink it. Besides the delicious selection of flavors (apple, orange, cranberry), it also contains 170 milligrams of caffeine (the equivalent of nearly 2 full cups of coffee) - thus the sparky name. Honestly, the stuff is probably burning a hole in my heart as I type, but meh...that's life.

And that brings me full circle back to Life Cereal, and to the end of my post for today. Auf Wiedersehen!

Pessimism: What I Do Best

2008-03-02T20:05:00.004-05:00

This is my first blog posting. Before I start getting all crazy on this thing, I want to share a very telling photo with you all that will set the tone for many future blogs to come. Study it carefully, friends...

You see, I live in Indiana. Knowing this will help you understand where I'm coming from, as this is often the source of much of my angst. I'm really just trying to get the word out that no one should EVER move to Indiana, EVER. If you live here, you know what I'm talking about it. If you've never been here, there is not a reason for you to ever change that. Trust me.

Here is a list of just a few of the endless reasons Indiana sucks:
-Potholes, potholes, and more potholes YEAR ROUND. This is not just a mid-winter problem like in other places. No, no. Here, potholes have become so common that I get that sick-to-my-stomach feeling when I'm not driving on bumpy, gnarled roads. I've found that the constant movement soothes me.
-The weather. No one told me before I moved here that living here is like living in Seattle, minus the gorgeous views and cool people. It's dreary 90% of the time. It can go days, even weeks without the sun shining. That's just not right. And don't get me started on the humidity.
-Ignorance is not bliss, it's everywhere.
-Rusted-out trucks, tatted-out men w/ stained tank tops, cigarettes, Den Pops, spandex, fried tenderloin, the Indy 500, factories galore, Confederate flags, semi-trucks...you get the idea.

And that's why you never hear anything about Indiana!