Staycation

I'm midway through my week-long staycation. What is a staycation? Well, it's like a vacation, only you don't go anywhere. Why would you want to take a staycation? Well, if you are low on cash, but need a break from work (because if you don't you are certain you will pull a Milton), it's an affordable way to do so, and no buildings get burned to the ground. I have not taken a real vacation ever - if I ever take time off work it's to go visit family for a holiday. I don't count that as a vacation. A vacation to me is when you take a trip somewhere fun or exotic and really, truly GET AWAY. Maybe someday...

So far during my staycation, I have slept in until 7:30 every morning, almost completely organized my second bedroom (which is currently just full of random crap from the move), had lunch w/ the Cyborg, and taken (fruitless) trips to Ikea, Pottery Barn and other home decor stores. All in all, an easy breezy week. It's so freeing not to have to go to work to endure the same madness as the week before and the week to come, even if it is only 5 little days. 5...precious...days. I need to do this more often.

Other thoughts:
-I can't STAND it when people say "I don't go past 21st" - if only you knew how incredibly douchey it sounds when you utter those words, especially to someone who lives past 21st.
-I heard an intriguing song on the radio this week - something about how we should live like we are dying, and it got me thinking...maybe I should just say it first and see what happens.
-I'm glad Favre is a Viking now. It gives the Vikes more air time, which allows my mom to watch more Vikings games. This makes me happy.
-I am seeing more and more of those blankity-blank family stickers on the back of cars, SUVs, vans, jeeps, and any other vehicle you can imagine. It's really hindering my daily commute to be forced to view these things all the time.
-I am really digging pears and bananas right now.
-I'm wondering who will get married next - right now in my world it's between Marcus and Airz...and maybe Andrew, too.
-How long should I hang on to my grad school stuff? Like I'm talking articles from Theory I and II...do I really need to know this stuff in the real world? So far, not really.
-Looking at my old stuff from Purdue made me sad. I wish things could have worked out differently, b/c I really did love that job and I miss working with that student population so much.
-My expectations are too high when it comes to my current job (and maybe work in general).
-Ralphie is laying at the foot of the bed as I type this blog, and his little back paw is sticking out from underneath the blankets. It's so freaking cute.
-Watching LOST again has been quite an experience - even though I know what's going to happen (without REALLY knowing what's happening), it still gets me every time. That's the power of the island.
-I miss my girlfriends.

Well, it's way past my bedtime. I need to rest up for another day filled with doing nothing and getting paid to do it. :)

I live on the corner of WTF and Crazy

Blogging inspiration struck last night around 8:00 PM when I casually looked outside my window, only to see that a car I didn't recognize parked in my driveway. Let me explain that with my new condo, I have my own one-car garage. What's nice is that in addition, my driveway is really long - it can fit two parked cars easily behind my car parked in the garage, which is a nice bonus compared to many of the other units on my street. Let me also say that I'm already frustrated with my condo for various reasons (many of which have to do with the half pipe being used directly below my bedroom).

So, I look out, and see this silver Camry with leather interior parked in my driveway, not 6 steps between the car and my garage. Like if I had wanted to drive my car out of my garage, I wouldn't have been able to b/c this jack ass was completely blocking it. WTF. I'm sorry, but who blatantly parks in someone else's driveway like that? No one that I know, until I moved onto this street. It's like the people living here have no concept of how to live respectfully next to others. I can understand if you have to use my driveway to move something in, for like 15 minutes, or something. But even then, you ask before you do it. You don't just pull up and plop on down for hours on end.

I was on the phone with my mom at the time I saw the car. After I nixed the tow truck idea (a little harsh for my 2nd week on the block...but I'm close to not giving a crap anymore), I decided on just opening my garage door, putting a nice note on the car, and turning in for the evening. In my nice little note written on a purple sticky note, I just let them know that they had parked on my driveway and I needed to get out to run an errand, but couldn't because they were parked there - and in the future, I asked them to please refrain from using my driveway. When I went to bed around 10, the car was still there. Thankfully, in the morning it was gone. I'm sure my note really taught them a lesson and they'll never do it again...right.

Next time, I swear on all that is holy and good, I'm having the car towed. So do not park in my driveway unless you have permission, beyotches, or I'm towing your ass. And I will forever be known as the bitter old woman on the corner of WTF and Crazy.

My Blogging Hiatus

I have gotten a lot of crap from people for not updating my blog, and more importantly, for not finishing my blog about the Behrens/Berte wedding. For this I am truly sorry. Typically I blog at work but the past two months have been particularly hellish here, so I haven't had much opportunity to write (or do anything else but actually work - LAME). Because I have been so busy at work, I have not been able to fully clear my head and channel any sort of inspiration or motivation to blog, even when I'm away from my desk. A lot has happened in the past few months away from work that are very blog-worthy:

-The completion of the Behrens/Berte wedding review (top of my to-do list, I swear)
-Visit to Lawrence, KS for Twain Reunion '09
-Purchase of condo
-Rediscovering my general disdain for most people
-Discovery of Skate Park America below my bedroom in said condo; thus confirming that Melissa Luck is still in existence and going strong
-The meeting of Wade's parents (lovely people)
-Grappling with a future career change
-Misc. shenanigans I can't exactly pinpoint right now

I hope to be blogging again in full force soon. As you can see, there is much to re-hash on the ol' blogster.

The Behrens/Berte Wedding Review: Part I

I know, I know. It's been awhile since I've blogged. I have been meaning to blog about the glorious trip to Iowa since I returned, but haven't had the time or inspiration to do so...until now. Those of you who know me and my blogging style recognize that I need to feel the creative juices flowin' to write a quality entry, so hopefully you can appreciate I have been waiting patiently to get struck by inspirational lightning before proceeding. I am also excited to report that the review will contain an account of the last hours of Leah's wedding night by Autumn 'Airz', as I was quite under the influence at that point so cannot adequately provide a description of the late-night shenanigans for you on my own. But we'll get to that soon enough. Lest this posting should become too long, I'll be breaking it up into sections and will post a couple over the next few days (at least that's the current plan).

Day One
Naturally, I was lucky enough to sit next to the restroom on a minuscule 50-seater airplane on a direct flight to Kansas City. This was already cause for concern, but then sure enough, as soon as we began boarding, an elderly woman got up and proceeded to christen it with her best work. Really, she couldn't use the bathroom minutes before when she was still in the airport? Once we landed, it was surprisingly wonderful to walk off the plane in Kansas City and be overcome by the stifling Midwest humidity and heat, but 1,000 times more wonderful to see Airz casually leaning against the wall waiting for my arrival. Jazzies were flying and we finally embraced and quickly began our road trip to the great state of Iowa.

During our trip to DSM I assisted Airz in gaining a greater appreciation for the song Party Like a Rockstar, which she openly mocked in the beginning (I felt a hint of Char-Var coming out here) but by the 4th or 5th playback, I think she was into it. I also introduced her to such classics as She Get It From Her Mama and Adam Lambert's take on Ring of Fire. She attempted to soften my opinion of Flight of the Conchords (don't tell her it didn't stick - I still just don't get the obsession). All in all, a productive and lovely drive.

We pulled into (Sk)Ankeny (our old safe haven away from Ames) and were immediately greeted by the radiant bride-to-be and Bridgit, one of the other lovely bridesmaids. Within the first 20 minutes of our arrival, we had discussed bowel movements, boobs, Gonzos and many other hot topics. All in all, a typical conversation for the Twain ladies + Bridgit. Soon enough it was time to head out for the bachelorette party festivities, which began with dinner at the Urban Grill.

I won't go into the dirty details about the horrific service we received at Urban Grill (mainly because I don't want a certain person -Wade- to judge me for it), but the atmosphere, company and food were awesome. After dinner, we headed to Leah's sister-in-law Emily's house for a pleasure party. This was the first pleasure party I had ever attended and my sexpectations were met, if not exceeded. In addition to many other treats, Emily had taken time to bake and frost amazingly realistic (and quite tasty) penis cookies for each of us. Of course, Emily made special Gonzo-shaped penises for Airz and me, which was a very thoughtful touch. The pleasure party presentation ranged from low-key items like tasty lotions and powders to the mid-raunch level paraphernalia like the Silver Bullet or other typical pleasure party fare. Then, there were a few gems that were definitely not for the faint of heart, like ginormous vibrators that had like 28 different functions and things moving in and on them at the same time, topped off with a smiling beaver face or turtle head. I, of course, wanted one of everything but restrained and purchased only a few things, all of which I will not be talking about here.

Once we had made our purchases, applied our knuckle tattoos and eaten the last of the penis cookies, the bride and three of four bridesmaids made our way to Ma and Pa Behrens' home in THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, IOWA. Seriously, I had no idea where we were in Iowa during about 90% of this trip, and I had lived there for two years. Don't get me wrong, it was lovely to see the rolling hills and green EVERYTHING that is Iowa, but hell if I could tell you where I was or how I got there most of the time. Our stay at the Behrens' home was brief but very nice. There was the motion sensor light outside our window that went on and off about every 30 seconds all night long...and that's about all I remember. I'm kidding - the Behrens' were lovely hosts and we had a great brunch the next morning and we were able to catch up and chillax before heading into town to have some Lady Time prior to the rehearsal dinner...

Coming Soon: Day Two - the quickest massage EVER, Maxx Moments and up-close and personal photo opps...

I'm a Huge (Content) Slacker

It's been awhile since I've posted, and I'm getting a lot of crap from people about it. The thing is, I haven't had much to complain about recently so my angst level is low and potential topics are pretty sparse. Plus, I still don't have the Internets at my apartment, so I can't blog from home. In two days I'm heading back to Iowa to witness the nuptials of Leah Bare Ends (soon-to-be Berte) and Tim Berte. There I will be able to embrace two of my most favorite people in the whole world - Leah and Airz. I'm dating the most amazing guy EVER (he's pretty much the male version of me, so you know he's legit). I'm moving out of my crappy apartment soon. I proctored three exams in one week, banking over $500 extra (which will go toward paying Marcus for season tix and my next CC bill). I saw The Hangover and laughed...a lot. I recently made $16 from Pibs Exchange for old clothes I never wear. All in all, I'd say things are good right now - knock on wood.

I'll definitely post another update post-wedding. Iowa, here I come!

McDonald's Sweet Tea = Drink WIN!!

This morning I was just driving along up to my boss' house, minding my own business, when I nearly came to a screeching halt after seeing out of the corner of my eye that the McDonald's up on 2000 East (and hopefully others around the valley) is FINALLY offering Sweet Tea in SLC. I will admit at that exact moment, I was actually wishing I owned an iPhone so I could have snapped a photo and tweeted this glorious discovery the moment it occured. Sigh...this beloved drink has been offered at the Mickey D's in the Midwest and in the South for some time now - it was my fave thing to pick up on the way to work in West Lafayette - sweet, refreshing, and extremely addicting (though not entirely confirmed, I believe crack/cocaine is listed as a key ingredient on the nutritional facts website). When I went to Orlando, FL back in Feb - yep, they offered it there, too, so naturally I stopped in to indulge once (or three times). And now, I'm excited to report that McDonald's is no longer denying this geographical area the pleasures of the Sweet Tea. I highly recommend this beverage from the Golden Arches - if you love sweet tea, theirs is sweetly satisfying, not BM-inducing like the McCafe about which I recently blogged.


Seeing the glorious advertisement for Sweet Tea got me to start thinking about what else has migrated West since I've moved back to SLC. I quickly realized that several of my favorite things from the Midwest have followed me including: Jimmy Johns, Chipotle, and now Mickey D's Sweet Tea. I'm still missing the following: Q'Doba, Flying Burrito, fireflies, the 4611 Twain ladies, and my soul, which I believe I dropped on one of several tattered roadways in Indiana, never to be found again...or is it? Could my Melissa Luck actually be changing *gasp* for the better? Only time will tell.

You Must Be in Las Vegas If...

1. You willingly pay $20+ for 2 sandwiches (one foot long and one six inch) and 2 regular drinks at Subway.

2. While walking on the strip or through a casino, you continually run into people who stop directly in front of you for no apparent reason, completely disrupting the flow of traffic.

3. You are able to carry and drink your (strong) alcoholic beverages anywhere you want.

4. You wear your fanciest outfit and most over-the-top accessories, and in no way come close to looking overdressed or overdone because there will always be someone else in the room who far surpasses your feeble attempt to pull a Glambert.

5. You patiently wait to order a Subway sandwich longer than all of the times you've waited for a Subway sandwich in your entire life put together x100.

6. You share space with some of richest and poorest people you've ever seen.

7. You have access to free sex anytime, anywhere if you want it...or even if you don't.

8. On numerous occasions during your stay, you fear you could catch an STI just by breathing.

9. You can admire the single largest photo ever displayed of Donny and Marie Osmond right on the strip.

10. You feel increasingly overwhelmed by having too much to do.

11. You see more skin while walking the strip than hanging out by the pool.

12. The question "why would anyone bring a small child here" continually pops into your head after passing countless people toting their small children.

13. You continually question the general intelligence and personal hygienge habits of the human race.

14. Your love of people watching as a favorite pastime is renewed.

15. You can't wait to book your next trip - Viva Las Vegas!